Blogging about things and things..
Showing posts with label Israel-stupid head. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Israel-stupid head. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Le Gift Received from Israel
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
12/21/2011 - Updates on Life
Updates on life .
I tried to ignore Stupid-Head on the 19th of December. I ended up chatting with him at night. Things were resolved, I'm glad. However, when we bade ' Good night, take care, sweet dreams ', he said,
" Good bye " ,
and I said,
" Farewell " .
I'm going on a journey ( not literally ) to take time off.
The next time I say ' farewell ', I'll be serious about it.
Its been a day already, things are going pretty good.
Taking time off is giving me time to think and such, I feel as though I'm going through a fixation .
I tried to ignore Stupid-Head on the 19th of December. I ended up chatting with him at night. Things were resolved, I'm glad. However, when we bade ' Good night, take care, sweet dreams ', he said,
" Good bye " ,
and I said,
" Farewell " .
I'm going on a journey ( not literally ) to take time off.
The next time I say ' farewell ', I'll be serious about it.
Its been a day already, things are going pretty good.
Taking time off is giving me time to think and such, I feel as though I'm going through a fixation .
Monday, December 19, 2011
Ignoring Stupid-Head : Day One
Stupid-Head is being stupid, I told him about my vision yesterday and my recent thoughts, taking it negatively, he asks me why I'm so negative sometimes.
Its like its not natural to be negative. It appears to me that from his point of view, I'm the most negative person in sight.
Why pick on me [ rolls my eyes ].
Haha, it reminds me of this book :
I could understand how annoying it is for me or just anyone to be negative, but we all have our reasons even if its something like a misunderstanding.
Strangely accurate horoscopes today :
[9:08PM Update/edit]
To ignore him -- its pretty obvious that I'm doing nothing, but running away.
But, taking time off to think isn't so bad. We're being childish.
I'm being childish. We just need to understand each other more.
It just feels so distant.
Its like its not natural to be negative. It appears to me that from his point of view, I'm the most negative person in sight.
Why pick on me [ rolls my eyes ].
Haha, it reminds me of this book :
I could understand how annoying it is for me or just anyone to be negative, but we all have our reasons even if its something like a misunderstanding.
Strangely accurate horoscopes today :
[9:08PM Update/edit]
To ignore him -- its pretty obvious that I'm doing nothing, but running away.
But, taking time off to think isn't so bad. We're being childish.
I'm being childish. We just need to understand each other more.
It just feels so distant.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
12/18/2011 - Its 9:08pm
I woke up from something that wasn't a fantasy. More or less was it a dream, since I was more or less half asleep.
It was a vision.
A scene played in my head. I slumped into my seat and softly threw my head back on the wooden rest of my chair. My legs curled comfortably in place in the physical outer world.
Now, the vision.
I was face to face with a certain someone,
oh--let's call him Stupid-Head to sprinkle a little humor. Hehe! Yeah, anyways--
" What is your purpose in loving me? What if I told you, that I didn't want to be with you. That I couldn't be with you since I'm moving far away..and we can't be together like this. "
My purpose. I didn't even need to think about it.
" I want to be with you, because I love you. I know-- wait, scratch that. Absolutely things don't last forever. "
I paused, remembering about how he described us as magnets, then when I asked my sister if magnets ever lose their magnetic attraction, " Over time ", she replied.
" Even if we're distances away, I still just want to be with you. "
In the physical world, as I opened my eyes and the vision began to fade,
I saw that the time setting of it all had the look of a mid 4 o'clock sunset.
My goal is not to find the perfect one, the suitor to swing me off my feet and fuck every part of me, nor any other synonymous things of the sort.
It is to protect everyone and wield myself forward to fulfill it, even if I'm doomed to become a sacrifice.
The last thing I want before I die is to be smiling, while seeing everyone else's face smiling too.
That is why it kills me to see anyone feeling concerned.
I tend to repress myself so much that I can't even see it, I need to take better care of myself.
It makes me feel like jeering at myself to have such a childish goal.
Its like saying, " I want to become a hero to protect the ones I love " .
Think about it, isn't it just funny?
Thinking about the vision I've just had too--saying that I just want to be with that dear person.
To be with Stupid-Head, its not a wish, but a desire.
I've been trying to ignore it, by ignoring him, but as usual, there are odds to that matter.
A Greek philosopher, known as Machiavelli once said, " People are greedy and selfish. "
I find it so utterly true, its in our human nature. Its natural, like how everything else is.
Its natural to feel this way.
It was a vision.
A scene played in my head. I slumped into my seat and softly threw my head back on the wooden rest of my chair. My legs curled comfortably in place in the physical outer world.
Now, the vision.
I was face to face with a certain someone,
oh--let's call him Stupid-Head to sprinkle a little humor. Hehe! Yeah, anyways--
" What is your purpose in loving me? What if I told you, that I didn't want to be with you. That I couldn't be with you since I'm moving far away..and we can't be together like this. "
My purpose. I didn't even need to think about it.
" I want to be with you, because I love you. I know-- wait, scratch that. Absolutely things don't last forever. "
I paused, remembering about how he described us as magnets, then when I asked my sister if magnets ever lose their magnetic attraction, " Over time ", she replied.
" Even if we're distances away, I still just want to be with you. "
In the physical world, as I opened my eyes and the vision began to fade,
I saw that the time setting of it all had the look of a mid 4 o'clock sunset.
My goal is not to find the perfect one, the suitor to swing me off my feet and fuck every part of me, nor any other synonymous things of the sort.
It is to protect everyone and wield myself forward to fulfill it, even if I'm doomed to become a sacrifice.
The last thing I want before I die is to be smiling, while seeing everyone else's face smiling too.
That is why it kills me to see anyone feeling concerned.
I tend to repress myself so much that I can't even see it, I need to take better care of myself.
It makes me feel like jeering at myself to have such a childish goal.
Its like saying, " I want to become a hero to protect the ones I love " .
Think about it, isn't it just funny?
Thinking about the vision I've just had too--saying that I just want to be with that dear person.
To be with Stupid-Head, its not a wish, but a desire.
I've been trying to ignore it, by ignoring him, but as usual, there are odds to that matter.
A Greek philosopher, known as Machiavelli once said, " People are greedy and selfish. "
I find it so utterly true, its in our human nature. Its natural, like how everything else is.
Its natural to feel this way.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
12/6/2011 - Brunch, Lunch, and After School
[ Brunch ]
I met up with Israel-senpai. We greeted one another and I shared my Facebook comments from the chat between him and my sister (who hijacked my seat) on 11/30/2011.
He then informed me that he might or might not come after school.
" Don't make such a concerned face! Its okay! "
" I just don't want this (referring to the FB chat) to happen again! " , he exclaimed.
After that, I read him my thoughts and dreams . Every once in a while, I leaned over to the side to check his energy field. It was very strong, I'd say that its positive energy radiating off of him, but he still felt concerned.
I think I overdid my reading..NAH.
But, overall--things are going well for him and I'm happy.
At 10:10am, he left to go to the quad.
" See you later Tammy, take care-- I might come after school! "
" You don't have to! "
I said this, even though I really wanted to see him.
He looked back at me, the expression on his face read, ' I want to see you. '
Probably because he felt bad, I guess he pities me ಠ_ಠ
" See you later, take care! " , I called back.
But, I'm happy to see that he came by.
On my way to class, I thought about my daily horoscope (click for full view) :
" I may be feeling lonely today..but its okay, because I'm going to do my best. ", I thought to myself and smiled.
[ Lunch ]
I greeted Colleen-chan, Judy-chan, and Crystal-chan.
Judy-chan is off of her crutch now, I congratulated her on her recovery.
I'm happy.
[ After school ]
Because of the code red drill earlier today, all of the books where piled in the back far-left corner bookshelf. It took a total of 20 minutes to organized the textbooks and workbooks.
" Thank you Tammy, you're such an angel ", Ms.Sabado commented.
" I'm not an angel, I'm only human after all " , I smiled , " -And your welcome. "
[3 : 25pm ]
I sat outside, on the usual bench, the deciduous tree to my left. 99.3% of its leaves have now fallen, leaving a majority of its red berries. A few minutes later, Mister Seeberger came by.
We talked about how our days were going, then he bade farewell at a little past 4pm.
I sat there 'til 5pm.
The setting sky was wondrous with pink clouds, a dim light blue sky and a nearly-full moon up above in the East. The setting sun was towards the west, glowing 'til it sleeps, casting silhouettes before my eyes.
My walking came to a small trot home. My toes were numbed, my wings throbbed.
I'm not sad, angry, or upset. Just disappointed, but happy.
I smiled.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
12/3/2011 - Dreaming about a Scramble of Things.
I'm going to list the things I remember from today's early-morning dreams (I did not go to bed at night, but today at 1AM).
-- The Scrambles of Dream Fragments --
1.) I was at school, the sky was like morning light, the bell had rung and students were beginning to walk to class.
I stood in the hall that leads one way to the ROTC, Gym, and C-portables, the other way leads to the 400,300,200 and so-on buildings.
Diagram :
I spotted Israel heading to the direction of the ROTC building of the hall. He must be heading for third period, therefor brunch must've ended. I pulled a cloak over myself (which made me either feel invisible or I was invisible, like the invisible cloak from Harry Potter). There was a snapshot of my legs, random--but there's a meaning to it.
I padded over to Israel from behind.
He turned around, smiling at my presence.
The dream ended.
[ Interpretations ]
Cloak : To dream that you're wearing a cloak represents the need for security and warmth, you want to be protected. It may also mean that you're trying to cover-up or hide something.
Legs : Indicates that you've regained confidence to stand up and take control again. Also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life.
Invisible : feelings of not being noticed or recognized for what is important of you. You feel that you're being overlooked.
(Alternatively : you are trying to withdraw from the realities of life)
[ Personal thoughts ]
I always thought that I'd be forgotten, like I really was invisible.
But this dream, it was like it pointed out that I was not always forgotten.
Even though in freshmen year, I sometimes was. Like that time when I made lunch for Senpai and he forgot three times and I waited for him after school 'til 4pm. Its all good now though.
I don't feel forgotten now, not even the tiniest bit. I'm happy, I really am.
Maybe just sometimes though, I'd feel forgotten again. 0.5% chance of the time I will.
2.) I had a dream that I was sliding on my side, down a wooden platform that was tilting.
I saw a random bit of blood splatter a little distance away,diagonal from me as I slid.
I jumped into a bright white light below, the dream ended, but I felt that after the jump, I landed in a safe place.
[ Interpretation ]
Parkour : To dream of performing a parkour indicates that you are not letting any obstacles stand in your way to completing your goals. ( Alternatively means that you're in tune with your surroundings and environment. You are able to adapt to any situation. )
Blood : life,love,passion and as well as disappointments.
Wood : suggests that you're feeling dead and emotionless inside. Behavior is automated. You are not fully thinking things through.
[ Personal thoughts ]
I'm feeling emotionless inside, because I don't know how I should feel. I may be happy, but because everything is so clear, its like blankness.
My love burns strong, like white fire in my life right now, I feel great.
Its blazing so gaily, that I feel nothing.
Its so strange, so very strange!
3.) I saw a blue bench in my dream.
Bench : Suggests that I normally take on a passive role instead of taking an initiative.
Blue : Truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness.
Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away.
May symbolize your spiritual guide and optimism of the future. You have clarity at mind.
[ Personal Thoughts ]
Time to get things done, I want to devote myself to work on my strength and bonds (relationships).
I'm determined and happy.
-- The Scrambles of Dream Fragments --
1.) I was at school, the sky was like morning light, the bell had rung and students were beginning to walk to class.
I stood in the hall that leads one way to the ROTC, Gym, and C-portables, the other way leads to the 400,300,200 and so-on buildings.
Diagram :
I spotted Israel heading to the direction of the ROTC building of the hall. He must be heading for third period, therefor brunch must've ended. I pulled a cloak over myself (which made me either feel invisible or I was invisible, like the invisible cloak from Harry Potter). There was a snapshot of my legs, random--but there's a meaning to it.
I padded over to Israel from behind.
He turned around, smiling at my presence.
The dream ended.
[ Interpretations ]
Cloak : To dream that you're wearing a cloak represents the need for security and warmth, you want to be protected. It may also mean that you're trying to cover-up or hide something.
Legs : Indicates that you've regained confidence to stand up and take control again. Also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life.
Invisible : feelings of not being noticed or recognized for what is important of you. You feel that you're being overlooked.
(Alternatively : you are trying to withdraw from the realities of life)
[ Personal thoughts ]
I always thought that I'd be forgotten, like I really was invisible.
But this dream, it was like it pointed out that I was not always forgotten.
Even though in freshmen year, I sometimes was. Like that time when I made lunch for Senpai and he forgot three times and I waited for him after school 'til 4pm. Its all good now though.
I don't feel forgotten now, not even the tiniest bit. I'm happy, I really am.
Maybe just sometimes though, I'd feel forgotten again. 0.5% chance of the time I will.
2.) I had a dream that I was sliding on my side, down a wooden platform that was tilting.
I saw a random bit of blood splatter a little distance away,diagonal from me as I slid.
I jumped into a bright white light below, the dream ended, but I felt that after the jump, I landed in a safe place.
[ Interpretation ]
Parkour : To dream of performing a parkour indicates that you are not letting any obstacles stand in your way to completing your goals. ( Alternatively means that you're in tune with your surroundings and environment. You are able to adapt to any situation. )
Blood : life,love,passion and as well as disappointments.
Wood : suggests that you're feeling dead and emotionless inside. Behavior is automated. You are not fully thinking things through.
[ Personal thoughts ]
I'm feeling emotionless inside, because I don't know how I should feel. I may be happy, but because everything is so clear, its like blankness.
My love burns strong, like white fire in my life right now, I feel great.
Its blazing so gaily, that I feel nothing.
Its so strange, so very strange!
3.) I saw a blue bench in my dream.
Bench : Suggests that I normally take on a passive role instead of taking an initiative.
Blue : Truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness.
Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away.
May symbolize your spiritual guide and optimism of the future. You have clarity at mind.
[ Personal Thoughts ]
Time to get things done, I want to devote myself to work on my strength and bonds (relationships).
I'm determined and happy.
Friday, November 18, 2011
11/18/2011 - After School
I went over to Ms.Sabado's classroom and cleaned up for about 10 minutes before going outside.
It was sprinkling, so I couldn't do much; I sat and meditated.
Before my meditation, I saw a hummingbird flutter amongst the leafy bush in front of me. It had brilliant green feathers and a violet red crest on its breast. He was a gorgeous bird. I wondered if the nectar he collected was that sweet; sweet enough to be consumed or sweet enough to live off of.
[Meditation] Form of meditation : hearing, focusing on the sounds around me.
I listened to the chirping of the sparrows, the song of the wind, the rustling and dropping of leaves from the restless trees, and the industrious waves from the streets surrounding school campus.
[2:20pm]
Ly had me take a picture of her and her boyfriend embraced together under the deciduous tree to my left. I was welcomed to be of cameraman service~heehee~! XD
[2:53pm]
Jenny, Kim and her friends came by. Jenny gave me some gummy candies and a Deanza college bag.
Before they left, Ly (who was nearby on the bench across from me to the far right) asked,
" You're leaving already?! "
Kim replied, " Go hang out with your girlfriend! " (referring to her boyfriend) xD
[3:25pm] Wait time 2hours and 10minutes
Israel-senpai came by with one of his buddies. We greeted one another. I clammed up, closed my eyes and meditated in their presence. A minute later, we bade farewell.
" I just came by to say 'Hi' ", he said.
He's making a fool out of me. I tasted bitter sadness.
When their backs were turned, I bent my head between my legs and clutched my internal organs together.
[3:40pm]
When I saw that they were long gone-- I decided to go home.
" Come, I'll sing you a lullaby", my other half spoke.
I dried my tears. I walked with great lonesome steps. Kim dispersed my thoughts for three seconds, Jenny wished me good luck on my way home. I left them with a farewell and continued on.
The light rain pelted me as I walked.
[Home at Last]
I greeted my sister and stripped in the laundry room. I dressed in a white tank top and a pair of pajama shorts.
" Its not summer ", she said.
Have I gone mad?
" I do what I want ", I grinned and jokingly replied.
I have gone mad.
It was sprinkling, so I couldn't do much; I sat and meditated.
Before my meditation, I saw a hummingbird flutter amongst the leafy bush in front of me. It had brilliant green feathers and a violet red crest on its breast. He was a gorgeous bird. I wondered if the nectar he collected was that sweet; sweet enough to be consumed or sweet enough to live off of.
[Meditation] Form of meditation : hearing, focusing on the sounds around me.
I listened to the chirping of the sparrows, the song of the wind, the rustling and dropping of leaves from the restless trees, and the industrious waves from the streets surrounding school campus.
[2:20pm]
Ly had me take a picture of her and her boyfriend embraced together under the deciduous tree to my left. I was welcomed to be of cameraman service~heehee~! XD
[2:53pm]
Jenny, Kim and her friends came by. Jenny gave me some gummy candies and a Deanza college bag.
Before they left, Ly (who was nearby on the bench across from me to the far right) asked,
" You're leaving already?! "
Kim replied, " Go hang out with your girlfriend! " (referring to her boyfriend) xD
[3:25pm] Wait time 2hours and 10minutes
Israel-senpai came by with one of his buddies. We greeted one another. I clammed up, closed my eyes and meditated in their presence. A minute later, we bade farewell.
" I just came by to say 'Hi' ", he said.
He's making a fool out of me. I tasted bitter sadness.
When their backs were turned, I bent my head between my legs and clutched my internal organs together.
[3:40pm]
When I saw that they were long gone-- I decided to go home.
" Come, I'll sing you a lullaby", my other half spoke.
I dried my tears. I walked with great lonesome steps. Kim dispersed my thoughts for three seconds, Jenny wished me good luck on my way home. I left them with a farewell and continued on.
The light rain pelted me as I walked.
[Home at Last]
I greeted my sister and stripped in the laundry room. I dressed in a white tank top and a pair of pajama shorts.
" Its not summer ", she said.
Have I gone mad?
" I do what I want ", I grinned and jokingly replied.
I have gone mad.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
11/10/2011 - My Day
[ Morning ]
I spent the majority of the time recording yesterday's journal entry. At about 6:50AM, Israel-senpai messaged me just to say, " good morning ". We chatted a little bit, before I logged off I said,
" Israel-senpai, daisuki! "
Then translated it, " Daisuki - I like you "
He replied with a "
".
[ At School ]
I greeted my friends, chatted before heading off to class.
[ 1rst pd ]
Read a bit into chapter 12, i.e. the last chapter of the book, Lord of the Flies. After that, the class played a bit of Scattegories, where as I continued to read.
[2nd pd]
Quiz on DNA replication. At the last 10 minutes of class, when every one had turned in their quiz, my teacher decided that it was story time. He had a student turn of one set of lights.
He told the story of a 100% non-violent man who suddenly one day goes up on top of a clock tower and shoots down 16 random people. Reason was that the cause of his madness was because of a tumor, resulted from cancer, that was caused by DNA replication gone wrong.
[Brunch]
Jenny came by. We talked a little bit.
" How's you and that guy you like? ", she asked.
I spotted Israel-senpai and replied back to Jenny,
"Its okay, just..-eh! "
Israel came over and Jenny left.
He came to tell me that he couldn't meet up with me after school due to practice and a check-in to the hospital. " I knew it! " , I fake-grinned and he frowned. But, it was okay since I was seeing him at the moment, knowing that I'd be missing him for the rest of the day.
We discussed about his dream, mainly revolving around mecha, technology, and Hatsune Miku.
Then we dropped to the main issue.
" I want you to do me a favor...I want you to stop putting yourself down."
I lamely argued back (which irritated him), but agreed (solution).
[passing bell to 3rd]
We hugged.
" I really..missed you."
" I missed you too."
Details : I pressed my body up against his, my chin rested against his shoulder.
We pulled away, bade farewell.
In the hallway, I turned around...
...called his name,
" Israel-senpai!",and said, " I love you. "
" I know you do", he replied, " I love you too "
I know you know
" 'I know you do' --- you said that last year! So rude! "
(referring to the time when I said, "I love you" and he simply responded with, " I know you do. ")
"Wha-- so, it just means that I know that you love me too."
"Whatever!Hmph!", I jokingly grinned back and walked to class.
[3rd pd]
Spent the time writing in my journal.
[4th pd]
Spent the time doing textbook work.
[Lunch]
Spent the time chatting with Han and Judy about the art of gymnastics, ballet, and ect. We also talked about dietary things-- like becoming a vegetarian.
Speaking of which, I received a few cookies from Judy, yay ^ u ^.
[Passing bell to 5th]
I walked too fast while kinda zoning out, which resulted in me tripping on a crack and scarping my knees. I immediately got up, " I gotta get to class", I got up, collected myself and dashed to class.
There wasn't a band aid suited for my left bleeding knee (the other was just scratched), so I pulled out a napkin from my bag and pressed it against my somewhat bloody knee.
[5th pd]
I worked with the napkin pressed down upon my left knee. Awesomely, I got my work done; plus, the bleeding stopped about 7 minutes into class. I was ready, with my stinging knees to walk in PE later.
Christine told me to get well soon :3
[6th pd]
Cross-country walk lap : first we walked behind the tennis court, around half of a field outside the track, around a fifth of the perimeter of the baseball field,and 2 laps on the track. I met up with Crystal-chan and Carolina-chan at the 2nd role call after our lap was done.
On our way back to the gym, I told Carolina about my habit of putting myself down, thinking from a narrow point of view, so narrow that I can't even see the good qualities of myself.
She told me, " Don't think like that, you're a very kind and caring person. OK, look-- you give stuff-gifts, origami to teachers, you say 'hello' to nearly everyone. You're a very special person."
I bobbed my head to her words. " Exactly the same things, Israel-senpai said."
...Scary.
I thanked her for the advice, glad to have her by my side.
In the gym, she read my journal (volume 12) as I wrote in volume 13.
[After school]
Cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom, she asked me if I had seen Israel yet and talked to him about the tutoring. I replied,
"Yep, he told me that he did the warm up and JUST the warm up today.
Well, that's a head start. I can do all of the work..and all he does is the warm up! Haha!"
She also told me that he had an 'F' in her class, and wishes him to get some help of some sort to raise his grade, ohh--she worries and I thought he had a 'C' or 'C-' of some sort.
After cleaning, I sat outside on a different bench,since there was a couple on the bench I normally sat on.
The air was calm, the sunlight glimmered through the leaves of the tree to my right. It was warm, I smiled at the sound of the chirping sparrows fluttering about. The wind shook hands with my side-bangs.
I left early at 4PM, my scraped knees were stinging with possible infection. Other than going the short way through a building, I went the slight-long way by walking from out of the parking lot to my left. It was only about 65 steps more than the short way. The sun shone brightly up ahead, the sky was utterly clear as evening was approaching.
I spent the majority of the time recording yesterday's journal entry. At about 6:50AM, Israel-senpai messaged me just to say, " good morning ". We chatted a little bit, before I logged off I said,
" Israel-senpai, daisuki! "
Then translated it, " Daisuki - I like you "
He replied with a "
".[ At School ]
I greeted my friends, chatted before heading off to class.
[ 1rst pd ]
Read a bit into chapter 12, i.e. the last chapter of the book, Lord of the Flies. After that, the class played a bit of Scattegories, where as I continued to read.
[2nd pd]
Quiz on DNA replication. At the last 10 minutes of class, when every one had turned in their quiz, my teacher decided that it was story time. He had a student turn of one set of lights.
He told the story of a 100% non-violent man who suddenly one day goes up on top of a clock tower and shoots down 16 random people. Reason was that the cause of his madness was because of a tumor, resulted from cancer, that was caused by DNA replication gone wrong.
[Brunch]
Jenny came by. We talked a little bit.
" How's you and that guy you like? ", she asked.
I spotted Israel-senpai and replied back to Jenny,
"Its okay, just..-eh! "
Israel came over and Jenny left.
He came to tell me that he couldn't meet up with me after school due to practice and a check-in to the hospital. " I knew it! " , I fake-grinned and he frowned. But, it was okay since I was seeing him at the moment, knowing that I'd be missing him for the rest of the day.
We discussed about his dream, mainly revolving around mecha, technology, and Hatsune Miku.
Then we dropped to the main issue.
" I want you to do me a favor...I want you to stop putting yourself down."
I lamely argued back (which irritated him), but agreed (solution).
[passing bell to 3rd]
We hugged.
" I really..missed you."
" I missed you too."
Details : I pressed my body up against his, my chin rested against his shoulder.
We pulled away, bade farewell.
In the hallway, I turned around...
...called his name,
" Israel-senpai!",and said, " I love you. "
" I know you do", he replied, " I love you too "
I know you know
" 'I know you do' --- you said that last year! So rude! "
(referring to the time when I said, "I love you" and he simply responded with, " I know you do. ")
"Wha-- so, it just means that I know that you love me too."
"Whatever!Hmph!", I jokingly grinned back and walked to class.
[3rd pd]
Spent the time writing in my journal.
[4th pd]
Spent the time doing textbook work.
[Lunch]
Spent the time chatting with Han and Judy about the art of gymnastics, ballet, and ect. We also talked about dietary things-- like becoming a vegetarian.
Speaking of which, I received a few cookies from Judy, yay ^ u ^.
[Passing bell to 5th]
I walked too fast while kinda zoning out, which resulted in me tripping on a crack and scarping my knees. I immediately got up, " I gotta get to class", I got up, collected myself and dashed to class.
There wasn't a band aid suited for my left bleeding knee (the other was just scratched), so I pulled out a napkin from my bag and pressed it against my somewhat bloody knee.
[5th pd]
I worked with the napkin pressed down upon my left knee. Awesomely, I got my work done; plus, the bleeding stopped about 7 minutes into class. I was ready, with my stinging knees to walk in PE later.
Christine told me to get well soon :3
[6th pd]
Cross-country walk lap : first we walked behind the tennis court, around half of a field outside the track, around a fifth of the perimeter of the baseball field,and 2 laps on the track. I met up with Crystal-chan and Carolina-chan at the 2nd role call after our lap was done.
On our way back to the gym, I told Carolina about my habit of putting myself down, thinking from a narrow point of view, so narrow that I can't even see the good qualities of myself.
She told me, " Don't think like that, you're a very kind and caring person. OK, look-- you give stuff-gifts, origami to teachers, you say 'hello' to nearly everyone. You're a very special person."
I bobbed my head to her words. " Exactly the same things, Israel-senpai said."
...Scary.
I thanked her for the advice, glad to have her by my side.
In the gym, she read my journal (volume 12) as I wrote in volume 13.
[After school]
Cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom, she asked me if I had seen Israel yet and talked to him about the tutoring. I replied,
"Yep, he told me that he did the warm up and JUST the warm up today.
Well, that's a head start. I can do all of the work..and all he does is the warm up! Haha!"
She also told me that he had an 'F' in her class, and wishes him to get some help of some sort to raise his grade, ohh--she worries and I thought he had a 'C' or 'C-' of some sort.
After cleaning, I sat outside on a different bench,since there was a couple on the bench I normally sat on.
The air was calm, the sunlight glimmered through the leaves of the tree to my right. It was warm, I smiled at the sound of the chirping sparrows fluttering about. The wind shook hands with my side-bangs.
I left early at 4PM, my scraped knees were stinging with possible infection. Other than going the short way through a building, I went the slight-long way by walking from out of the parking lot to my left. It was only about 65 steps more than the short way. The sun shone brightly up ahead, the sky was utterly clear as evening was approaching.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
11/9/2011 - Afternoon
I went to clean&organize Ms.Sabado's classroom as usual. As I was organizing the desks, she said,
" Tammy, I talked to your friend, Israel today. I said to him--that he was a smart kid, but he was failing my class.
So I told him,
' You know what?Talk to your friend Tammy. She's in my class and she's a good kid and she's passing my class. You can go talk to her and ask her to help tutor you' "
I stood there and chuckled at the idea.
"He's a smart kid, but he just doesn't focus.", she commented.
After cleaning, I went outside and sat on the bench (same one from yesterday). I felt the wind lightly swirled about as I wrote in my journal. There were more sparrows chirping in delight today. It was..peaceful.
The clouds in the sky glided like whispers of spirits.
At 3:30PM, Mister Seeberger came out of the nearby building, he greeted me and we started talking about his acting course, literature, his holidays and ect. It was interesting :D
At 4:30PM, Kim-senpai and I chatted, then left campus with her at 4:43PM.
The sunset was glimmering today, under the sprays of light, oceanic clouds.
Kim and I engulfed the beauty of the sky.
It made me realize how badly I wanted to see Israel-senpai.
" Fuck..",I muttered in the depths of emotion.
I came to see that Kim was repeatedly pressing the crosswalk button. She was raping the button with her index finger. lol :B
" Tammy, I talked to your friend, Israel today. I said to him--that he was a smart kid, but he was failing my class.
So I told him,
' You know what?Talk to your friend Tammy. She's in my class and she's a good kid and she's passing my class. You can go talk to her and ask her to help tutor you' "
I stood there and chuckled at the idea.
"He's a smart kid, but he just doesn't focus.", she commented.
After cleaning, I went outside and sat on the bench (same one from yesterday). I felt the wind lightly swirled about as I wrote in my journal. There were more sparrows chirping in delight today. It was..peaceful.
The clouds in the sky glided like whispers of spirits.
At 3:30PM, Mister Seeberger came out of the nearby building, he greeted me and we started talking about his acting course, literature, his holidays and ect. It was interesting :D
At 4:30PM, Kim-senpai and I chatted, then left campus with her at 4:43PM.
The sunset was glimmering today, under the sprays of light, oceanic clouds.
Kim and I engulfed the beauty of the sky.
My apologies for the bad drawing, I tried my best.
It made me realize how badly I wanted to see Israel-senpai.
" Fuck..",I muttered in the depths of emotion.
I came to see that Kim was repeatedly pressing the crosswalk button. She was raping the button with her index finger. lol :B
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
11/8/2011 -- After School in the Afternoon
I have a lot of free time.
After 6th period, I moved on wards to clean up Ms.Sabado's classroom. Cleaning FTW. I finished cleaning in like 15 minutes,then I took my leave. I had a seat on the dark brown, metal bench in front of the oldest building on campus.
I didn't really feel like going home and being cooped up in the house, so I sat and leaned against the fluttering afternoon breezes of wind brushing up against my bare legs. It ran its fingers through my hair and brushed up against my cheeks. I crossed my legs and wrote in my journal, listening to the chirping of sparrows and the bristling leaves of the bush before me.
Far later, the rays of sunlight were settling, the sun was going down.
I checked my watch, it was 4:30pm, I checked the sky, the wind playfully tugged at my side-bangs. I uncrossed my legs, heaved a relaxed breath of air, " Ten more minutes.. ", I thought to myself.
Ten minutes passed, I left campus. Without the surrounding buildings of school campus, I saw the majority of the setting sky with the sun being blocked out by townhouses. The seagulls soared above like butterfly silhouettes.
It looked like this :
However, no matter how relaxed the moment was, the feeling I tried covering remains. Its no use until I deal with it.
After 6th period, I moved on wards to clean up Ms.Sabado's classroom. Cleaning FTW. I finished cleaning in like 15 minutes,then I took my leave. I had a seat on the dark brown, metal bench in front of the oldest building on campus.
I didn't really feel like going home and being cooped up in the house, so I sat and leaned against the fluttering afternoon breezes of wind brushing up against my bare legs. It ran its fingers through my hair and brushed up against my cheeks. I crossed my legs and wrote in my journal, listening to the chirping of sparrows and the bristling leaves of the bush before me.
Far later, the rays of sunlight were settling, the sun was going down.
I checked my watch, it was 4:30pm, I checked the sky, the wind playfully tugged at my side-bangs. I uncrossed my legs, heaved a relaxed breath of air, " Ten more minutes.. ", I thought to myself.
Ten minutes passed, I left campus. Without the surrounding buildings of school campus, I saw the majority of the setting sky with the sun being blocked out by townhouses. The seagulls soared above like butterfly silhouettes.
It looked like this :
Sadly, I do not have a camera, so I drew this on photoshop out of memory.
However, no matter how relaxed the moment was, the feeling I tried covering remains. Its no use until I deal with it.
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