Blogging the sum-up of school this week..

Today is a day for fun and creativity. 

Picture from the manga, Yotsubato!

  School started on Tuesday, August 14th. 

My first period is algebra 2. Math first thing in the morning, but it's okay, since all I need to do is rise and shine! It didn't sound so great at first when I received my schedule, but I've adjusted to it. I'm prepared to learn (though I still need to get a composition notebook..). Even so, if I have trouble, I could always ask my previous math teacher. 

I have animation second period with Mister Seeberger!

Also known as the art teacher, who I normally helped out after school during my sophomore and freshmen year. Animation is great so far. I completed the first assignment, the "ball bounce", which uses one of the twelve basic principles of animation, "squash and stretch". 

For third period I have English 3. 

For fourth period I have Vietnamese for Vietnamese speakers. The teacher has a thick accent, but teaches at a pace everyone can follow. It's nice to know that there's something new to learn everyday. 

For fifth period, I have U.S. History. I miss my previous history teacher, but I'll just have to adjust to this lady. 

Lastly, for sixth period, I have chemistry. I understand most of the things so far, except the conversion of SI units. I'm not so good at decimals, and math to top it all off, but I'm trying my best!

12/17/2011 - My Yesterday After School

  I didn't have the time to type this up yesterday, so I'll do it right now.

 [ After School ]
  12:34pm - I organized the desks in Ms.Sabado's classroom.
I received a Christmas present from Ms.Sabado! > u <
 On the present, it read,
  " Dear Tammy,
  Merry Christmas!!!
Thanks for helping every afternoon! You are a great help and an angel too!

Love, 

Ms.Sabado  " 

  Hah..I'm not an angel, only a mere human . 

But, I'm happy. It was really thoughtful of her to give me a present. 

  After that, I bade her farewell 'til January 3rd, and Happy Holidays. I went to visit Mister Seeberger in the Draw/Paint room. 

 Good news! He finally got to chat with his lady-friend, who wants to speak with him today, at 9pm. 

I wish him good luck! 

  We later went downstairs to his animation room, since students wanting to get work in (at the very last minute) were waiting. 

Outside the Draw/Paint class, I encountered Israel-senpai. 

We made one-second eye-contact, I turned away and carried a large bag of bread downstairs. 

  I greeted Jasmine-chan at the door, who was waiting for Mister Seeberger to find her assignments. We talked a little bit, until Mister Seeberger was ready to go upstairs for the last time, searching for her assignments. 

  Downstairs again, I got to look at his animation classes' work. It was very amusing! 

Lastly, he showed me some strategic games (mainly board games, but not the kind that you buy in the toy-isle in stores). I found this interesting, especially the survival game-themed ones. 

  I bade him farewell at 2:40pm and wished him good luck with his relationship with Laureen. 

12/6/2011 - Brunch, Lunch, and After School

[ Brunch ]

  I met up with Israel-senpai. We greeted one another and I shared my Facebook comments from the chat between him and my sister (who hijacked my seat) on 11/30/2011. 

 He then informed me that he might or might not come after school. 

  " Don't make such a concerned face! Its okay! " 

" I just don't want this (referring to the FB chat) to happen again! " , he exclaimed. 

  After that, I read him my thoughts and dreams . Every once in a while, I leaned over to the side to check his energy field. It was very strong, I'd say that its positive energy radiating off of him, but he still felt concerned. 

I think I overdid my reading..NAH. 

But, overall--things are going well for him and I'm happy. 

  At 10:10am, he left to go to the quad.

  " See you later Tammy, take care-- I might come after school! " 

  " You don't have to! " 

I said this, even though I really wanted to see him. 

  He looked back at me, the expression on his face read, ' I want to see you. ' 

 Probably because he felt bad, I guess he pities me ಠ_ಠ 

  

 " See you later, take care! " , I called back. 

 But, I'm happy to see that he came by.

  On my way to class, I thought about my daily horoscope (click for full view) : 

 " I may be feeling lonely today..but its okay, because I'm going to do my best. ", I thought to myself and smiled. 

[ Lunch ]

  I greeted Colleen-chan, Judy-chan, and Crystal-chan. 

Judy-chan is off of her crutch now, I congratulated her on her recovery. 

 I'm happy.

[ After school ]

   Because of the code red drill earlier today, all of the books where piled in the back far-left corner bookshelf. It took a total of 20 minutes to organized the textbooks and workbooks.

 " Thank you Tammy, you're such an angel ", Ms.Sabado commented. 

 " I'm not an angel, I'm only human after all " , I smiled , " -And your welcome. " 

 [3 : 25pm ] 

  I sat outside, on the usual bench, the deciduous tree to my left. 99.3% of its leaves have now fallen, leaving a majority of its red berries. A few minutes later, Mister Seeberger came by. 

 We talked about how our days were going, then he bade farewell at a little past 4pm. 

  I sat there 'til 5pm. 

The setting sky was wondrous with pink clouds, a dim light blue sky and a nearly-full moon up above in the East. The setting sun was towards the west, glowing 'til it sleeps, casting silhouettes before my eyes. 

  My walking came to a small trot home. My toes were numbed, my wings throbbed. 

I'm not sad, angry, or upset. Just disappointed, but happy. 

 I smiled. 

12/5/2011 - My Day - Meiosis vs Mitosis

  Today is the day where I deliver early Christmas gifts (i.e. decorative origami cubes) to my teachers!
Alright! I'm going to do my best!

[ Morning ]
  I tied my hair up in twin tails at the back of my head.

[ At school ]
  I greeted Crystal-chan and Janus-chan. Janus-chan showed me pictures of her father's drawings on her phone. They mostly revolved around Disney characters like the lions from " The Liod King " , Mickey&Minnie Mouse, and ect. It was awesome! :D
 I later greeted Colleen-chan and Han-kun. Han-kun and I later walked to class, talking about my well-being revolving around my abdominal pain.

[ 1rst pd ] There was a substitute.
  Essay (test) . The prompt was to provide information on why / how moments in history influence today's world (giving examples).
  After class, I had the substitute pick out three cubes for Mister Guven, leaving a note stating that I gave him the cubes as presents.

[ 2nd pd ]
  At the doorway (before walking into class), I had Mister Castanos pick out three origami cubes. He commented that they were beautiful :D
  We went over the ' Do Now ' / Warm Up, Mister Castanos talked about his weekend and how he celebrates Christmas. At Costco, Mister Castanos and his grandmother in a wheelchair , he rams his grandmother in line at the checkout counter (lol wut). He celebrates Christmas with used socks as Christmas stockings and he describes people who don't wait 'til Christmas day to open their presents, as crazy disrespectful children LOL.
  We watched a section of a biology film on meiosis (the division of sex cells). There was this one scene where they were showing the difference between meiosis and mitosis.
It looked like this :

To the side of  ' Meiosis ', there was an image of turtles having intercourse. 

 Lastly, we took notes on meiosis and read from the textbook. Mister Castanos criticized the way the couple looked in the book. " They don't know us, so its okay ", he said. 

o__o 

[ Brunch ] 

  Chatted with Judy-chan about how the essay went and about geometry. 

[ 3rd pd ] 

  Worksheet on careers. 

At the end of class, I had Mrs.Haertling pick three origami cubes according to her liking. 

[ 4th pd ] Before class started, I had Mister Herning chose three origami cubes to his liking. 

   Studied flash cards. 

[ Lunch ] 

  Because the students had wasted about 5 minutes of Mister Herning's time, we stayed in during lunch for about three minute ( he was going easy on us ). 

  I later had Judy-chan read through my journal as I sat and thought about things. When she had finished reading, we discussed her holiday plans. 

[ 5th pd ] 

  I had Mrs.Shika and Ms.Sabado choose three origami cubes to their liking. Mrs.Shika told me how my origami had inspired her children to paper-fold too. She told me that they fold paper in all sorts of directions and call it " their origami " (haha! > u <) 

They both found the origami cubes to be beautiful, I'm glad. 

[ 6th pd ] I greeted Crystal-chan on my way to class, I'm glad her day is going well :)

  I gave Mrs.Miramontes the last three origami cubes. She complimented that the cubes were very nice. 

  YOSH! All of the cubes have now been delivered!  

( in total, there were 21 of them ) 

  In the gym, I wrote a little bit into my journal before handing it over to Carolina-chan to read. 

[ After School ] 

  " Time to have a nice afternoon! I got Christmas presents to work on and the comic!

I finally get to work on the comic! " 

  Note : the comic that I've been working on has been constantly postponed due to stuff. 

 " I can tell that you're very eager ", Carolina-chan replied. 

 " Yup! " 

  After I bade farewell 'til tomorrow to Carolina-chan and Crystal-chan, I later encountered Israel-senpai in the hall. He had a slight concerned expression scribbled in his eyes, 

  " Tammy, I can't meet up with you after school since I have -- " 

  " Its okay! ", I grinned back gesticulating him to be off on his way (i.e. I made a fluttering wave with my hand).

  " I'm (really) sorry-- bye. "  

 By then, my back was turned away from him and I was walking away, grinning like a dithering idiot, 

taking no heed to his expression--

until later as I was cleaning Ms.Sabado's classroom. 

I kept pausing and thinking as I stacked the textbooks and workbooks.   

  Why-? How could I smile like its nothing, when I did feel something. 

That is because I was happy, but disappointed that we couldn't meet up.

  

Prologue note :  Last night, I felt the numbness of static rupture within myself. I tried to think of all of the positive, bright things, memories, but I couldn't feel anything. 

I laid in bed (on my lack), meditating three deep hymns and thought deeply to myself about my cherishes. 

 The majority of the numbness was eliminated. 

  I was just happy to hear his voice. 

Negative news, but the numbness I felt somewhere inside melted away. 

  

12/2/2011 - How my After School at School was Spent

  In the gym, after I bade farewell to Diane-senpai, I padded over to Crystal-chan and Carolina-chan.
I wanted to see them off before I went to enjoy the rest of my day & weekend, because they're my dear friends. Their main plans for the weekend is homework, but even so, I hope they have a wonderful weekend.


  On my way over to Ms.Sabado's, Israel-senpai informed me that he was unable to meet up with me after school due to some circumstances. I smiled back and said that it was okay.
He advised me not to go home so late. Hmph. ಠ_ಠ


  I cleaned Ms.Sabado's classroom for about 6 minutes,  she said that it was Friday and that I should go enjoy my weekend. I went outside, looking at the deciduous tree, it had now lost 89% of its leaves, leaving a majority of red berries clinging to its branches. I checked my watch, then decided to go visit Mister Seeberger. 
  Mister Seegberger greeted me with a slightly surprised expression, " Oh--Hi! I was just thinking about if you were going to stop by today!" 
 " What a coincidence! ", I replied. 


  That feeling when you think of someone and they magically appear, its almost like they heard your thoughts and came over to you. 
I honestly sometimes do that to call out / contact someone.
I wonder if they can really hear me or if my voice is drowned out by their world, because I'm not a person worth their love. 
  This made me think of the time when I was sitting on that bench after school, during a chilly afternoon, calling out with a voice in my chest to that guy that I'm constantly waiting for. 
When I was on my way to head for home, feeling down that he did not come---
we crossed paths. 
He described it as, " instinct", that lead him to me. 


  Anyways, Mister Seeberger and I shared our experiences from the 5-day weekend (i.e. Thanksgiving Break) . Haha-- he told me a joke he made up contributing to Black Friday. 
  It starts out with Black Friday, then Grey Saturday, lastly White Sunday. 
" Then, Golden Monday! ", I added. :D


  We talked of other things, like plans over Christmas vacation, Star Wars, how very identical his eight-year old son is to him (its in the DNA after all), his two  pet dogs that costed $800 (were bred and were trained for dog shows) that will be given to his ex (sadly), and how his low income has effected the amount of money per month to buy food. 
  I hope all goes well for him in the near future. 


[Home at Last]
  I made it home at 4:20pm.   

12/1/2011 - My Day - Scarves of Happiness

Today is the day I deliver the scarves!

 [Morning]
  Julie says that for every time I'm home late (4pm is the limit), she'll move one thing in my room.

 [ At school ]
  I greeted Janus-chan and Crystal-chan. I delivered the purple scarf to Crystal-chan, I'm glad that she liked it.
 Janus-chan told me that her father used to make artistic creations and drawings; she'll show some of them to me tomorrow. I later gave Colleen-chan her blue scarf. By coincidence, she was also wearing a scarf. I'm glad that she also liked the gift.
She said that she'll disguise the blue scarf with her scarf, so then she wouldn't get caught. xD
  I later met up with Han-kun and told him what happened yesterday on our way to 1rst pd.

 [ 1rst pd ]
  We did an in-class practice essay.

 [ 2nd pd ]
  Mister Castanos repeated this dumb joke to help us remember mitosis,
"  My sister and I were dancing and she stepped on my toe, I say,
' Ow, you stepped on my toe sis ' . "
( Words underlined sound like the word, " mitosis " )
Then he says, " Now ladies, you know what to say when this happens...
' Prophase, metaphase, anaphase, telophase!' " LOL

[Brunch]
  (summary) I talked with Israel-senpai for 8 minutes, he later left to go to the quad. I later talked with Jennica at the last two minutes of brunch.

 [ 3rd pd ]
  We went to the cooking room to dine on fruits (apples & bananas) with chocolate dip. I simply ate the apples.
  A little bit later, when Carlos-kun was eating a banana (and stealing from Johnathan-kun's chocolate dip),
a bit of chocolate splattered on his lower lip and chin. Octavio-kun, Elijah-kun, and Johnathan-kun described it as, " Chocolate Cum " . We all laughed at the idea (haha!).

 [ 4th pd ]
  Worked on making and studying flash cards.

 [ Lunch ]
  I greeted Crystal-chan, Colleen-chan, and Judy-chan. Because the wind was absolutely vicious, we went over to the C-building for shelter. We stood in front of room C101, just like back in freshmen year.
  Mister Vansambeek later came out of his classroom. Jokingly disgruntled, he said,
" I don't mind Colleen and I like Tammy, but the rest of you people ( Crystal-chan, Han-kun, Micheal, and Judy) could just leave! "

 [ 5th pd ]
  Quiz.

 [ 6th pd ]
  Sat in the gym and wrote in my journal. One of the teachers flung two plastic balls into the open, and some dudes took advantage of these balls and started kicking them around.
It was amusing to watch the balls fly in midair or ram-smack into random people.

[ After school ]
  On my way over to Ms.Sabado's, I was taking my usual route in the hall where there was the boy's locker room to my right (which is under construction) and the JROTC building to my left. A young man (that had saggy pants and had a saggy walk) was passing under the locker room, wasn't paying attention to his surroundings and was caught by the plastic cover that construction workers had put out. He struggled like a beast in a net, though it wasn't that complex to simply lift the cover and move on.
 He roared, bustling under the cover for a mere 25 seconds, when he had successfully lifted the cover, he glanced around with an expression that read,
' What bitch-what? Whatchu lookin' at? '
 Several steps behind, I giggled silently to myself.

  I cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom for about 15 minutes. Outside, the wind roared, surging like a wild oceanic wave.
  At 3:40pm, as I was being caressed by the wind, Israel-senpai arrived, wearing the scarf I gave him earlier today (at brunch).

Comments going in my head : He looked good in the scarf, grey suits him well. My white scarf represents a white cloud on a cloudy day, his represents a grey cloud on a cloudy day. He had a stress-free day today, I'm glad. 


 We sat and enjoyed the wind. I answered a question that I forgot to answer at brunch, it was what my thoughts were about the issue on Facebook chat yesterday. Then I had a moment where I felt like there was a question stuck in my throat. I bickered a bit of what I should do about it. Eventually, I said it,
  " What would you do if I kissed you? "
 OH MY FREAKING GAWD.
I JUST HAD TO LOOK AT HIS LIPS AND BARING TEETH WHEN I ASKED THAT.
  " Wait--didn't I ask you that before? ". he asked.
  " Eh-- you did? I don't remember.. "
  " I did-- you answered that things would probably still be the same. "
  " I can't remember. "
  " Then what would you've done if I had kissed you? "
  " I would--aha-- kiss back ahh..
* I dazed off a little bit here , thinking about all the other things I would've done *
  wait--! [collects self]
  I would kiss you back, when we pull away and look into each others eyes, I'd turn away, blushing. But other than that things may probably be the same! "

  Once that was solved, it was time to bade farewell.
I wanted to have him over for some earl grey (tea), but he couldn't come, due to the fact his mother was cooking dinner today. Lucky--he's having fish for dinner today.
  We hugged. Before 100% pulling away, I said,
" Ah--here comes old school-ness (referring to something I haven't done in such a long time, that it feels old) "
and I kissed him on the cheek. I felt my nose nudge his cheek, before the light pressing of my lips.

  On the way home (4:13pm) the golden-orange, glowing sun beamed up ahead. It was warm ,
I smiled from ear to ear, I'm happy.
  About two-thirds on my way home, the creepy-Mexican guy who greets high school girls and gets drugs from the neighbors south west the street from my place, stood ahead my path with crossed arms and a blue hood over his head.
  " Hi. ", he said.
  " Hello! ", I turned to him and chirped.
  I guess I may've made his day, by making an overly happy-greeting, but I'm really happy.

11/30/2011 - My Day - No anxiety attack today, I'm glad.

Today's the day when I first gave Israel-senpai a crocheted wristband.
I remember writing in my journal that we were, " Wristband Buddies ", which pretty much is elementary now that I think about it. Haha.
My goal today is to deliver this wristband to him, if we can see each other, that is.

[ Morning ]
  The toast my mother was toasting sprang up from the toaster and landed on the floor. It was as though the toast was trying to escape its destined fate.

[At school]
  Greeted Crystal-chan, Janus-chan, Christine-chan, and Han-kun.
Christine had poofy hair today and she tried to cover it by pulling her hood over her head.
I assured her that it'll go down eventually (no worries!) > u <
  I later met up with Han and walked to class. I told him that I got an anxiety attack again, probably due to the fact I had something to tell Israel-senpai after school yesterday,
but I couldn't really find the right time (so I told him on Facebook).
  I bade farewell to Han when I reached my classroom door, he went off to the classroom next door to mine.
Outside of the classroom, waiting for Mister Guven, Carlos-kun showed me a song called ," Rack City ".
Elijah-kun started nicknaming me, " Rack City ", and spreading a lie that I liked Rack City.
How very annoying, but I knew that he was only fooling around.

[1rst pd]
  We picked up a copy of The Joy Luck Club and did some SSR. I fetched a book for Carlos-kun, Johnathan-kun, and Octavio-kun. Elijah then asked me to get a book for him. I refused at first, because he called me, " Rack City ". When he offered to stop calling me that, I then got a book for him. :D

[2nd pd]
  We went over the warm up/ ' Do Now ', then read about chromosomes and mitosis.
While we were reading about the X and Y chromosomes, Mister Castanos said that boys have it more stressful than girls on their monthly periods, because males have to make sperm. Then he asks some of the male students in the class what they're doing. He pauses. Then answers for them,
" Making sperm. "
Then he asks some of the female students what they were doing. Again he answers for them,
" Dropping an egg. "
lol wut.

[Brunch]
  Hung out with Micheal and Judy-chan. We discussed the code red drill that will occur on Tuesday next week.

[3rd pd]
  We had a speaker from the military talk to us about career pathways that can be opened up by joining the army and taking 3-year (the least) courses.
  When he left, the class came to its usual chatter at the last 20 minutes of class.

[4th pd]
  Copied down key terms, then copied down notes as Mister Herning read them aloud.

[Lunch]
  Hung out with Han and Micheal, later greeted Crystal-chan, Colleen-chan,and Judy-chan.
Judy-chan and I talked about our days and such, it was fun.

[5th pd]
  Warm up, notes, workbook work---done.

[6th pd]
  Walked the track with Diane-senpai. I later met up with Crystal-chan and Carolina-chan after the 25 minutes of walking. I'm glad to hear that both of their days were okay.

[After school]
  On my way over to Ms.Sabado's class, I met up with Han. He asked me if I was going to wait for Israel. I said that I was. He told me not to wait for him, since I was unsure if he would or would  not come.
Though I felt certain that I was going to be forgotten by him.
" Its okay, since I'm used to waiting. Its almost like a.."
" A habit? "
" Not really, more like a hobby! I'm like adjusted to it or something! "
Han told me to take care, he could tell that my health has been degrading since I've had two anxiety attacks already and my body hasn't shown much of a recovery.

  I cleaned Ms.Sabado's classroom for about 14 minutes. At 3:15pm, I sat outside on the bench.
The wind roared like a thunderstorm on a clear day. Yet, it felt calm, it felt like jumping from the highest cloud in the sky and soaring through the atmosphere, with the air brushing your cheeks.
  The deciduous tree to my left has lost a majority of its leaves, leaving most of its unfaltering red berries, but they will too, fall like the leaves later on.
  As I sat, I grinned against the wind, thinking about Kathy's message this morning.
She told me not to ever call myself a fucktard again and to think about the brightness like my friends around me, rather slowly fall back into the darkness again. I smiled from ear to ear about the thought of her advice.
' That's right, I happy, to have such great friends. I'm really happy. It doesn't hurt any more . '
The wind caressed my body and kissed my hands.
  Past 4:30pm the wind starts to lash about. I sat and wrote in my journal, cowering whenever a big wave loomed against me. I could feel my health degrading. I waited.
  At 4:59pm, Trian came over to me and lightly poked my back. I greeted her with a smile.
We talked about our classes,our days, and the fussy wind. It was an enjoyable moment.
At 5:10pm, I left for home, the sky was getting dimmer.
The Chesire Cat's moon grinned at me.
The moon looked like it was going to laugh at me for waiting.
Waiting for a person who forgot about me.
It was like it wanted to pity me if it had a voice,
" Oh you silly little girl! You wasted two hours of your life to degrade your health, now look at you! You were forgotten, admit it! You were rejected, haha! HAHAHA! "
 I smiled, confused and happy. Confused about feeling sad, upset about my position.
I guess I deserved it, let's leave it at that? I deserved to be forgotten, then its not his fault. That thought saddened me.
  [ Home at last ]
  I came home and apologized to my worried mother, who scolded at me for a second or two.
" I waited for someone who never came. "
  I went upstairs and took a shower, the hot water relieving my frozen-stiff body. Ooh yes.
I turned to the cold water to close my pores, dried, got dressed and went downstairs to check my e-mail.
Only to see that my sister had posted something on my Facebook wall.

11/29/2011 - My Day - Cold Shower Ecstasy

[ Morning - At Home ]
  I awoke from a clear dream that faded away the moment I woke. Augh, I totally am not fond of that happening.
I'm feeling much better, more confident, now that I got some rest.
* I had a minor anxiety attack yesterday*

[At School]
  I greeted Janus-chan, Crystal-chan, and Colleen-chan. Israel-senpai was there too, but I didn't really want to greet him. Janus-chan and I talked about our days and how Micheal has been annoying her recently.
Janus-chan later left for class, Han-kun and I met up and walked to class. I told him that I got an anxiety attack yesterday, due to the fact I must've absorbed something after school with Israel-senpai.

[1rst pd]
  We read the first few pages and made active reading comments on the book, The Joy Luck Club.
The book so far is okay, just not as hot as Lord of the Flies.

[2nd pd]
  DNA quiz. After that, we read through an article about a man who was murdered at his work place.
The murder had a problematic mutation in his DNA that runs through the family tree. The murder had also committed other crimes, such as rape and he also confesses of his crime. We went over the questions and debated whether the murder should be executed, locked up, have a DNA test taken to see if he really has that genetic mutation (costing $1000), ect.
  Mister Castanos asked me to read and answer question # 5.
" How do genetics relate to all of this? "
" Its in his DNA, it can't be helped. "
" What should we do with him, Tammy? "
" Well, I wouldn't choose to execute him, even though he killed someone. We're all human after all and there's darkness within us all. "
" Then, what should we do with him? Lock him up? "
" No, we shouldn't lock him up--what's the benefit in that(?) "
" He killed and raped someone. He's a rapist. A RAPIST! "
" Then we should hear what he thinks! What he wants! " , I exclaimed.
People stared, bug-eyed at me, some grinning.
My cheeks were dashed pink and I was grinning at my remarks and at the scene.
" Love it. Thank you for your time and have fun for the rest of your day. "
The bell rang for brunch.

[Brunch]
  David-senpai complimented that I did a good job on the debate. I thanked him. He also said that he had also noticed that I've been open lately. That is because I fought the darkness within me.
I'm happy.
I spent the majority of the time writing in my journal.

[3rd pd]
  Wrote a summary on the film in class. I finished my summary early, so I drew myself with my elbows on my lap, hands cupping my cheeks, great wings folded to the side of my posture.
Next to this drawing, I wrote in one of my quotes, " I'm not an angel, I'm only human after all. "
Since this was on the same page with my summary in the class-journal, I ended up turning it in.
Back at my seat, I looked over to see read my teacher's expression over my drawing.
She looked calm to see the angelic drawing, yet complected.

[4th pd]
  Textbook work.

[ Lunch ]
  I held the door for the students in 4th pd to pass by, before letting myself go meet up with the others by the C-building. I hung out with Colleen-chan, Crystal-chan, and Judy-chan.
I spent the majority of the time writing in my journal.

[5th pd]
  Warm up, notes, and workbook work.

[6th pd]
  Sat in the gym today. As Carolina-chan read through my journal, I doodled in my geometry notebook.

[After school]
  I congratulated Carolina on fight off the virus, I'm glad she's feeling better today, much better than yesterday.
n___n
  I cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom for 10 minutes.

[3:15pm]
  Sat on the usual bench. The deciduous tree to my left is slowly/quickly losing its leaves, same goes for the ginko trees on campus.

[3:30pm]
Alvana-chan and Israel-senpai arrived.

  + 1 anxiety attack.
I fell back into that vision again, it was not fun, but I managed.
I stayed silent for the majority of the time.
When they departed (leaving there bags on / by the bench),
Israel-senpai being chased by his rapist-schoolmates, Alvana-chan in observation mode,
I was then left with 3.5 minutes to relieve my anxiety by curling my upper-body over my lap and making a silent scream.

Haa--AHHHHHHHHH!
Was how I screamed inside.
 I'm not locked within myself anymore, not trapped in a room, not caged either.
I'm in an open atmosphere. If I scream in it, I scream in it. If I'm in pain, then I'm in pain.
Scars tore up on my arms, like on my cracking fingertips in real life.
Hey..what are you thinking right now? What are you going to do? What are you feeling?
These thoughts floated invisibly around me.

Outside, I gripped my solar plexus as though I was bleeding.
 It was convenient to hear Israel speak about how it would feel to be wounded by a bullet at this point in time. I could have laughed like a madman right there and then, but I'm poorly-humored.

'Nothing' ,was what I thought, but I did not feel nothing. I was feeling negativity.
I was feeling negativity from the anxiety attack(?) --no.
What was I going to do--I wondered what I could do.
Its entropy, that's it. Yeah, that's it. This'll go away eventually. 
Takumi sighed at my side.

  Israel-senpai returned, questioned my condition.
I evaded to tell him, the vision made a minor shock wave flash in my head.
" I'm okay, there's just something on my mind,that's all. "

[4:16pm]
  Israel-senpai decides its time for him to probably get going.
It is not that time interval where there isn't enough time to say a proper farewell.
I switched personalities, Takumi took over.
I got up, slung my bag over my shoulder and left with hurried steps.
[4:17-4:18]
The sunset was of a golden glow in the distance, it was warm through the cracks of the chilly atmosphere.
My ribs pressed to my lungs. I made it to the front door and switched back to Takusu.
' You didn't have to do that Takumi, leaving without a farewell..'
I saw it. I saw how Takumi had her back towards Israel when she left. Deja vu? 
' I couldn't stand you torturing yourself, you idiot fuckass. Get inside, NOW. ', Takumi replied.

  Indoors, I took a shower.
The hot water scorched my body. I switched it over to warm water. Once I was cleansed from soap,
I turned to the ice cold water. I clenched my body and looked up. The cold water padded my hair.
I rotated 360 degrees in the cold water, getting all parts of my body stricken by it all.
I bent over and let out an erotic cry when it lashed at my back like a whip. One more back lash, and I was done.
  I made a trod downstairs to place my dirty clothes in the laundry room, then had some dinner.
An hour later, punishment exercises for being a weak fucktard.
  Five sets of 10-second back-lifting, then a one-minute back lift
(not putting the lifted upper body or legs down). The exercise is similar to the trunk lift ;
30 push-ups and 30 reverse-push-ups ; 50 by 50 side sit-ups and 50 regular sit-ups ; and 10 slow leg-lifts.
  It burned, but felt great.

That Pumpkin-looking fruit that grew on Trees

  I remember, during the beginning of my freshman year, I was sitting around up against a pole during lunch when a girl approached me. I befriended her.
Her name was Ranyka.
We had the same English, math, and science class together.
  I moved quite a bit during lunch, until I settled to a grass spot in front of the C-building.
I like being in close contact with nature, I'm kinda like a plant myself.

  One day, Ranyka-chan brought along David-senpai.
We hung out together in that grass-area day after day, it was fun, really..it was.

  On another day, Israel-senpai hung out with us. Along with another person, I believe it was Francisco.
Ranyka shared her fruity-lunch with us, it was delicious,
because somehow (in which I will not question),
food tastes better when you eat it together with the ones you love.
  Among the fruits, there were persimmons. There was a dilemma of what they were called.
" It looks kinda like a pumpkin that grows on trees..", I pondered.
 Israel-senpai and David-senpai knew the word in Spanish, but not in English.
" Guys, its persimmons. That's what I've been telling you o__o ", Ranyka said.

  Those were really fun times. I wonder what everyone else thinks now. 

11/22/2011 - My day

[Morning, at home]
  I encountered a spider, whom I tried to pick up, using a piece of paper,
but he scurried away under the refrigerator. ;__;

[Morning, at school]
  I greeted Janus-chan and we talked about our days. Israel-senpai later came by. I told him about my recent vision, including the meaning of it. He frowned at the words of my vision.

  " I've been having this vision recently..that you're strangling me. It represents that I'm denying a vital aspect of myself. "

  I accepted his apology ( for the fact that he didn't see me after school the other day ), but also mentioned
he shouldn't be sorry for having me wait all the time. I mean--waiting isn't all that bad. I get to enjoy the nature around me.
 I guess that left me still having the 'bullet wound' 
he probably isn't very convinced that I forgave him. 
 Note: about the 'bullet wound' - it isn't literally a bullet wound,
but when he apologized about not showing up yesterday,
I replied, " There's nothing to be sorry about! "
" You always say that.. "
What he said gave me a bullet wound. He probably thinks I'm lying--
about me not feeling hurt after things after things.  [End Note]

  I later greeted Han-kun and Colleen-chan. Han and I talked about what we were up to in our English classes and Jenny-senpai's concern of her health.

[1rst pd]
  I spent the majority of the time writing in my journal. The vision of Israel-senpai strangling me is gone, but I can still see myself with the mark of his hands on my neck. It'll go away sooner or later. 
  I gave Mister Guven an origami boat. He commented that he could use it to sail away somewhere. Haha xD

[2nd pd]
  Mister Castanos went around the room asking everyone's opinion on what the biggest problem in the world is. People had interesting responses : economy, war, taxes, inflation, global warming, ect.
  In the late beginning, a student was sent out to wait outside, because he didn't want to remove his hood. About 20 minutes later, someone reminds Mister Castanos that the student was still outside LOL.
He then tells the student that he could keep his hood on from now on. XD

[Brunch]
  Talked with Micheal for a minute, ate my sandwich, then cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom.

[3rd pd]
  We wrote down what ticks us off, then disposed of the paper. I simply wrote down, " Rudeness. "
The purpose of the activity was to get it out of the system. Afterwords, the class made popcorn.
I just sat there and drew myself as a personified Taurus.

 Before heading off to 4th pd, I organized the chairs in the room.
Mrs.Haertling approached me, feeling that she barely got a chance to speak with me. She asked how things were going, I replied that everything was going alright. She assumed that me having a mellow day isn't so bad. I agreed and told her how yesterday went.
Her voice came to a concerned tone, but I assured her that things will go on alright.

On my way to class, I felt my guts being compressed from the side.
I don't want people feeling concerned about me, I don't like having people worry about me very much. 
Too see even my teachers worry, makes me feel kinda terrible. 
More like, I'm just not used to all of this. 
I feel sick, there really is something mentally wrong here, something I just gotta say to that guy.. 
but time just won't let me say it. Hah...I feel sick, but I mustn't think about it. 

[4th pd]
  I concentrated on studying my flash cards before we began the quiz.

[Lunch]
  Hung out with Colleen-chan, Crystal-chan, and Judy-chan. I had Colleen skim/ read through my journal as Judy and I talked about our classes and plans for the holiday. Judy shared some M&M's chocolates with me, it was sweet of her. [:
  I taped the wrapper in my journal as a memory hehe! x]

[5th pd]
  We watched the film, " Air Force One ". It was semi-interesting.
  When Ms.Sabado turned off the lights and closed the door,
it was nearly pitch black in the classroom (which I found awesome).
She kept a little lamp on in the far left of the room, which provided such perfect lighting, that it made me feel relaxed (which I found even more awesome, since I like dim lighting).

[6th pd]
  We sat in the gym today, I spent the time analyzing my biology worksheets as Carolina read my journal.

[After school]
  Bade Carolina-chan and Crystal-chan a wonderful weekend/ holiday, then went over to Ms.Sabado's classroom. Ms.Sabado gave me some organic fruit punch (juice pouch)
and Mrs. Shika (pronounced 'Nike') offered me some chocolate European biscuit cookies (I took one and it was delicious).

[3:07pm]
  Sat on the bench, spending the majority of the time writing in my journal.
  There's been an increase of the scattering of leaves on the concrete. The deciduous tree to my left is beginning to turn from mostly green to mostly red and golden yellow, its wondrous, like the clouds streaked upon the clear sky.
[3:30pm]
  I looked up to the deciduous tree to see a little sparrow plucking and dropping some unwanted leaves from the tree.
'Little Miss Tidy Bird', I smiled at the title.
 The little sparrows started playing tag and singing joyous songs among the branches.

  It was then quiet, 'til 4:21pm, the sparrows began to sing again.
[4:24pm]
  The twinkling of setting sunlight began,then receded at 4:26pm.
[4:32pm]
  The twinkling of sunlight glowed once more, receding at 4:36pm.
Such distant sunlight, yet its warm..
  sounds like my friendship and love. Woe is me. 
[4:43pm]
Meditated before heading home at 4:45pm.
  On the way home, I thought to myself,
" Today wasn't such a bad day...I received juice from my teacher, so its all good!
Wait--WTF.  I'm such a little kid, getting excited over juice. Oh--I kid myself. "
   I giggled under the setting, scarlet blue&pink sky.
My body is numbed cold, yet I feel so warm and maddening.

11/18/2011 - After School

  I went over to Ms.Sabado's classroom and cleaned up for about 10 minutes before going outside.
It was sprinkling, so I couldn't do much; I sat and meditated.
Before my meditation, I saw a hummingbird flutter amongst the leafy bush in front of me. It had brilliant green feathers and a violet red crest on its breast. He was a gorgeous bird. I wondered if the nectar he collected was that sweet; sweet enough to be consumed or sweet enough to live off of.

[Meditation]  Form of meditation : hearing, focusing on the sounds around me.
  I listened to the chirping of the sparrows, the song of the wind, the rustling and dropping of leaves from the restless trees, and the industrious waves from the streets surrounding school campus.

[2:20pm]
  Ly had me take a picture of her and her boyfriend embraced together under the deciduous tree to my left. I was welcomed to be of cameraman service~heehee~! XD

[2:53pm]
  Jenny, Kim and her friends came by. Jenny gave me some gummy candies and a Deanza college bag.
Before they left, Ly (who was nearby on the bench across from me to the far right) asked,
" You're leaving already?! "
Kim replied, " Go hang out with your girlfriend! " (referring to her boyfriend) xD

[3:25pm]  Wait time 2hours and 10minutes
  Israel-senpai came by with one of his buddies. We greeted one another. I clammed up, closed my eyes and meditated in their presence. A minute later, we bade farewell.
  " I just came by to say 'Hi' ", he said.
He's making a fool out of me. I tasted bitter sadness.
  When their backs were turned, I bent my head between my legs and clutched my internal organs together.

[3:40pm]
  When I saw that they were long gone-- I decided to go home.
" Come, I'll sing you a lullaby", my other half spoke.
I dried my tears. I walked with great lonesome steps. Kim dispersed my thoughts for three seconds, Jenny wished me good luck on my way home. I left them with a farewell and continued on.
 The light rain pelted me as I walked.

[Home at Last]
  I greeted my sister and stripped in the laundry room. I dressed in a white tank top and a pair of pajama shorts.
  " Its not summer ", she said.
Have I gone mad?
  " I do what I want ", I grinned and jokingly replied.
I have gone mad.

11/9/2011 - Afternoon

  I went to clean&organize Ms.Sabado's classroom as usual. As I was organizing the desks, she said,
" Tammy, I talked to your friend, Israel today. I said to him--that he was a smart kid, but he was failing my class.
So I told him,
' You know what?Talk to your friend Tammy. She's in my class and she's a good kid and she's passing my class. You can go talk to her and ask her to help tutor you' "
  I stood there and chuckled at the idea.
"He's a smart kid, but he just doesn't focus.", she commented.
     After cleaning, I went outside and sat on the bench (same one from yesterday). I felt the wind lightly swirled about as I wrote in my journal. There were more sparrows chirping in delight today. It was..peaceful.
The clouds in the sky glided like whispers of spirits.
At 3:30PM, Mister Seeberger came out of the nearby building, he greeted me and we started talking about his acting course, literature, his holidays and ect. It was interesting :D
At 4:30PM, Kim-senpai and I chatted, then left campus with her at 4:43PM.
  The sunset was glimmering today, under the sprays of light, oceanic clouds.
Kim and I engulfed the beauty of the sky.

My apologies for the bad drawing, I tried my best.

It made me realize how badly I wanted to see Israel-senpai.
" Fuck..",I muttered in the depths of emotion.

  I came to see that Kim was repeatedly pressing the crosswalk button. She was raping the button with her index finger. lol :B

11/8/2011 -- After School in the Afternoon

I have a lot of free time.
  After 6th period, I moved on wards to clean up Ms.Sabado's classroom. Cleaning FTW. I finished cleaning in like 15 minutes,then I took my leave. I had a seat on the dark brown, metal bench in front of the oldest building on campus.
  I didn't really feel like going home and being cooped up in the house, so I sat and leaned against the fluttering afternoon breezes of wind brushing up against my bare legs. It ran its fingers through my hair and brushed up against my cheeks. I crossed my legs and wrote in my journal, listening to the chirping of sparrows and the bristling leaves of the bush before me.
  Far later, the rays of sunlight were settling, the sun was going down.
I checked my watch, it was 4:30pm, I checked the sky, the wind playfully tugged at my side-bangs. I uncrossed my legs, heaved a relaxed breath of air, " Ten more minutes.. ", I thought to myself.
   Ten minutes passed, I left campus. Without the surrounding buildings of school campus, I saw the majority of the setting sky with the sun being blocked out by townhouses. The seagulls soared above like butterfly silhouettes.
It looked like this :

Sadly, I do not have a camera, so I drew this on photoshop out of memory.

However, no matter how relaxed the moment was, the feeling I tried covering remains. Its no use until I deal with it. 
   

Boo-! and Le Gasp-!

Today at the health convention in the cafeteria,

I was answering questions on a worksheet when my science teacher came up behind me and said,"Boo-!"

I didn't turn around.

He said,"Boo-!"again.

I turned around and said,"Le Gasp-!" XD

He replies,"Gasp!"

Wobbuffet! :D

My Day [I will not type it up!]

Pd 1 :
The bitchy girls from yesterday weren't playing with us today so it was pretty fun playing flag football :D

Pd 2 :
SSR (Silent Sustained Reading),and read a little bit of roman story.

Pd 3 :
Student : Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher : Can I go to the bathroom(?)
Boy,where are your manners?And where is a bathroom?
Student : Can I go to the restroom?
Teacher : -shakes her head-
Student : May I go to the restroom?
Teacher : *sigh* yes,you may.

I finished writing my essay yesterday,on a blank sheet of printing paper.
Today,I showed it to my teacher.
My teacher said that I'm required to type it up.
So,I stood up to her,looked her in the eyes and said,
"Seriously-?Is it required just to type something up?"
She nodded,"Yes,and I hate it too.Its time consuming."
I continued looking into her eyes,"Well,since I've already written it..can I at least turn it in?"
She replied,"Yes,sure."
[If I stopped making eye contact,I would've ended up having to type it up o_o]


Later,there was an rally/assembly.
It was loud,crowded,and lousy.
I didn't like it.

Pd 4 :
Took a test,did a worksheet and finished my hw in time :D

Pd 5 :
Watched a movie and took notes.

Pd 6 :
Drew a tree.

My Day [PE - Bleachers..YEAH!]

Today in PE it was girls vs girls,boys vs boys in flag football.
On one side I was there,on the other side I wasn't there because there were a bunch of bitchy girls.
They were showing off and what-not.
Thinking they're all-that and blabbering that Asian girls suck at sports (UGH.It doesn't matter what race, stupid. =__=)
So,the girls on the team I was on pulled back,turned away and went off to run bleachers.
I ran the bleachers too,there's no use in playing against ignorant women o3o

My Day [yay,I made a blogger acc :D]

Morning : 
I made my blogger acc  (I've been wanting to make an account on here for quite a while now since its better than blogging on myspace)


Period 1 : 
Did height and weight,I'm 4'10"
and I weigh about 100lb (which is average)

Period 2 : 
Worked on greek mythology 


Period 3 :
My teacher was trying to get everyone to know each others names,since saying-
"Hey-!You!",is kinda rude and she was trying to train our memories.


Period 4 : 
Worked on classwork and homework.
When my teacher said,"If you have your textbooks,you can work on your homework in class,if not--"
and as he was saying this,he was intensely tapping on my textbook o__o;


Period 5 :
Took notes on the several tools used to measure in science (such as flask,graduated cylinder,ect.)
Period 6 :
Drew stuff in class P: