I woke up from something that wasn't a fantasy. More or less was it a dream, since I was more or less half asleep.
It was a vision.
A scene played in my head. I slumped into my seat and softly threw my head back on the wooden rest of my chair. My legs curled comfortably in place in the physical outer world.
Now, the vision.
I was face to face with a certain someone,
oh--let's call him Stupid-Head to sprinkle a little humor. Hehe! Yeah, anyways--
" What is your purpose in loving me? What if I told you, that I didn't want to be with you. That I couldn't be with you since I'm moving far away..and we can't be together like this. "
My purpose. I didn't even need to think about it.
" I want to be with you, because I love you. I know-- wait, scratch that. Absolutely things don't last forever. "
I paused, remembering about how he described us as magnets, then when I asked my sister if magnets ever lose their magnetic attraction, " Over time ", she replied.
" Even if we're distances away, I still just want to be with you. "
In the physical world, as I opened my eyes and the vision began to fade,
I saw that the time setting of it all had the look of a mid 4 o'clock sunset.
My goal is not to find the perfect one, the suitor to swing me off my feet and fuck every part of me, nor any other synonymous things of the sort.
It is to protect everyone and wield myself forward to fulfill it, even if I'm doomed to become a sacrifice.
The last thing I want before I die is to be smiling, while seeing everyone else's face smiling too.
That is why it kills me to see anyone feeling concerned.
I tend to repress myself so much that I can't even see it, I need to take better care of myself.
It makes me feel like jeering at myself to have such a childish goal.
Its like saying, " I want to become a hero to protect the ones I love " .
Think about it, isn't it just funny?
Thinking about the vision I've just had too--saying that I just want to be with that dear person.
To be with Stupid-Head, its not a wish, but a desire.
I've been trying to ignore it, by ignoring him, but as usual, there are odds to that matter.
A Greek philosopher, known as Machiavelli once said, " People are greedy and selfish. "
I find it so utterly true, its in our human nature. Its natural, like how everything else is.
Its natural to feel this way.
No comments:
Post a Comment