My Poetic Thoughts when it comes to the Sky

  Nearly every day, when the clock strikes 4:30pm, I run up the stairs to my bedroom to view the sunset.
The distant, glowing sunlight is so warm. Especially on days with fluffy clouds passing by, the beams of sunlight, swooping about make the pinkish-tangy-yellow feel warm.
That is synesthesia.
  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/synesthesia

" Through a Rapist's Eyes "

”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this! 

It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such asituation. Everyone should read this especially each and every girl in this world.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG…

FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

————————-

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

—————————-

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating,working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the
passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.   

‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.


Source/ where I got it from : http://zebeck.tumblr.com/post/12462161559/somepinkfluffy-dinosaur-through-a-rapists

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, everyone. 

Click for full view. 

This took three hours and twenty minutes. I totally do not like coloring. 

e__e

12/21/2011 - Updates on Life

  Updates on life .
I tried to ignore Stupid-Head on the 19th of December. I ended up chatting with him at night. Things were resolved, I'm glad. However, when we bade ' Good night, take care, sweet dreams ', he said,
" Good bye " ,
and I said,
 " Farewell " .
 I'm going on a journey ( not literally ) to take time off.
The next time I say ' farewell ', I'll be serious about it.
Its been a day already, things are going pretty good.
Taking time off is giving me time to think and such, I feel as though I'm going through a fixation .

Ignoring Stupid-Head : Day One

  Stupid-Head is being stupid, I told him about my vision yesterday and my recent thoughts, taking it negatively, he asks me why I'm so negative sometimes.
 Its like its not natural to be negative. It appears to me that from his point of view, I'm the most negative person in sight.
Why pick on me [ rolls my eyes ].
Haha, it reminds me of this book :

  I could understand how annoying it is for me or just anyone to be negative, but we all have our reasons even if its something like a misunderstanding.
  Strangely accurate horoscopes today :

[9:08PM Update/edit]
  To ignore him -- its pretty obvious that I'm doing nothing, but running away.
But, taking time off to think isn't so bad. We're being childish.
I'm being childish. We just need to understand each other more.
It just feels so distant.

12/18/2011 - Its 9:08pm

  I woke up from something that wasn't a fantasy. More or less was it a dream, since I was more or less half asleep.
It was a vision.
  A scene played in my head. I slumped into my seat and softly threw my head back on the wooden rest of my chair. My legs curled comfortably in place in the physical outer world.

  Now, the vision.
I was face to face with a certain someone,
oh--let's call him Stupid-Head to sprinkle a little humor. Hehe! Yeah, anyways--

  " What is your purpose in loving me? What if I told you, that I didn't want to be with you. That I couldn't be with you since I'm moving far away..and we can't be together like this. "
  My purpose. I didn't even need to think about it.
" I want to be with you, because I love you.  I know-- wait, scratch that. Absolutely things don't last forever. "

  I paused, remembering about how he described us as magnets, then when I asked my sister if magnets ever lose their magnetic attraction, " Over time ", she replied.

  " Even if we're distances away, I still just want to be with you. "

  In the physical world, as I opened my eyes and the vision began to fade,
I saw that the time setting of it all had the look of a mid 4 o'clock sunset.

  My goal is not to find the perfect one, the suitor to swing me off my feet and fuck every part of me, nor any other synonymous things of the sort.
  It is to protect everyone and wield myself  forward to fulfill it, even if I'm doomed to become a sacrifice.
The last thing I want before I die is to be smiling, while seeing everyone else's face smiling too.
That is why it kills me to see anyone feeling concerned.

  I tend to repress myself so much that I can't even see it, I need to take better care of myself.

It makes me feel like jeering at myself to have such a childish goal.
Its like saying, " I want to become a hero to protect the ones I love " .
 Think about it, isn't it just funny?

  Thinking about the vision I've just had too--saying that I just want to be with that dear person.
To be with Stupid-Head, its not a wish, but a desire.
I've been trying to ignore it, by ignoring him, but as usual, there are odds to that matter.
  A Greek philosopher, known as Machiavelli once said, " People are greedy and selfish. "
 I find it so utterly true, its in our human nature. Its natural, like how everything else is.

  Its natural to feel this way.

12/17/2011 - Morning : My Dream

  I awoke at eight o'clock, lying there, thinking about my dream and pulling out what stood out the most.

  The dream  : I was running and I got hit from the left by a ball. Later, I was on a pathway that lead straight forward. I felt nothing dark about it. Lastly, I was walking, encountering Israel-senpai up ahead,
he sped past me ( I didn't even receive a glance from him). I was neglected, or ignored.

 I'll only type down a couple of the interpretations :

  Ignore - To dream that you are ignoring someone or someone is ignoring you represents some aspect of yourself that you're not paying enough attention to. Perhaps you are overlooking something.
Alternatively, it may reflect your waking experiences of being ignored by that person.

  Left - to dream of the direction left symbolizes the unconscious and repressed thoughts / emotions.
It is an indication of  passivity.

  [ My thoughts ]
    I'm starting the process of ignoring a certain someone, though I haven't exactly made a complete decision to ignore him. I feel as though he has something to say.
I feel calm at the same time, though.
I don't feel anything strange either, just clear and a bit repressed
(unless that's considered strange).  [Shrugs]

12/17/2011 - My Yesterday After School

  I didn't have the time to type this up yesterday, so I'll do it right now.

 [ After School ]
  12:34pm - I organized the desks in Ms.Sabado's classroom.
I received a Christmas present from Ms.Sabado! > u <
 On the present, it read,
  " Dear Tammy,
  Merry Christmas!!!
Thanks for helping every afternoon! You are a great help and an angel too!

Love, 

Ms.Sabado  " 

  Hah..I'm not an angel, only a mere human . 

But, I'm happy. It was really thoughtful of her to give me a present. 

  After that, I bade her farewell 'til January 3rd, and Happy Holidays. I went to visit Mister Seeberger in the Draw/Paint room. 

 Good news! He finally got to chat with his lady-friend, who wants to speak with him today, at 9pm. 

I wish him good luck! 

  We later went downstairs to his animation room, since students wanting to get work in (at the very last minute) were waiting. 

Outside the Draw/Paint class, I encountered Israel-senpai. 

We made one-second eye-contact, I turned away and carried a large bag of bread downstairs. 

  I greeted Jasmine-chan at the door, who was waiting for Mister Seeberger to find her assignments. We talked a little bit, until Mister Seeberger was ready to go upstairs for the last time, searching for her assignments. 

  Downstairs again, I got to look at his animation classes' work. It was very amusing! 

Lastly, he showed me some strategic games (mainly board games, but not the kind that you buy in the toy-isle in stores). I found this interesting, especially the survival game-themed ones. 

  I bade him farewell at 2:40pm and wished him good luck with his relationship with Laureen. 

12/13/2011 - My Morning - Getting Dressed

Julie told me to wear shorts under the skirt, 

" So when you fall on your face, no one would see your underwear. "

" You say it like I fall on my face all of the time! ", I replied.

Here I am as a stuck-up noble : 

u___u

Haiku - I am no poet

I am no poet
I am only a mere human
with a beating heart

Not a cleaning product.

Big Mudman

 The father waits, playing with a beach ball that I gave him. He is so very lonely.

Craigly

He waits for you, breathing at a wall (its his hobby).

WonderKing - Lv.80 Now

I'm currently not in the mood to work on the advancement quests . 

Its been almost two weeks since I've last logged in = n = BLEH.

12/6/2011 - Brunch, Lunch, and After School

[ Brunch ]

  I met up with Israel-senpai. We greeted one another and I shared my Facebook comments from the chat between him and my sister (who hijacked my seat) on 11/30/2011. 

 He then informed me that he might or might not come after school. 

  " Don't make such a concerned face! Its okay! " 

" I just don't want this (referring to the FB chat) to happen again! " , he exclaimed. 

  After that, I read him my thoughts and dreams . Every once in a while, I leaned over to the side to check his energy field. It was very strong, I'd say that its positive energy radiating off of him, but he still felt concerned. 

I think I overdid my reading..NAH. 

But, overall--things are going well for him and I'm happy. 

  At 10:10am, he left to go to the quad.

  " See you later Tammy, take care-- I might come after school! " 

  " You don't have to! " 

I said this, even though I really wanted to see him. 

  He looked back at me, the expression on his face read, ' I want to see you. ' 

 Probably because he felt bad, I guess he pities me ಠ_ಠ 

  

 " See you later, take care! " , I called back. 

 But, I'm happy to see that he came by.

  On my way to class, I thought about my daily horoscope (click for full view) : 

 " I may be feeling lonely today..but its okay, because I'm going to do my best. ", I thought to myself and smiled. 

[ Lunch ]

  I greeted Colleen-chan, Judy-chan, and Crystal-chan. 

Judy-chan is off of her crutch now, I congratulated her on her recovery. 

 I'm happy.

[ After school ]

   Because of the code red drill earlier today, all of the books where piled in the back far-left corner bookshelf. It took a total of 20 minutes to organized the textbooks and workbooks.

 " Thank you Tammy, you're such an angel ", Ms.Sabado commented. 

 " I'm not an angel, I'm only human after all " , I smiled , " -And your welcome. " 

 [3 : 25pm ] 

  I sat outside, on the usual bench, the deciduous tree to my left. 99.3% of its leaves have now fallen, leaving a majority of its red berries. A few minutes later, Mister Seeberger came by. 

 We talked about how our days were going, then he bade farewell at a little past 4pm. 

  I sat there 'til 5pm. 

The setting sky was wondrous with pink clouds, a dim light blue sky and a nearly-full moon up above in the East. The setting sun was towards the west, glowing 'til it sleeps, casting silhouettes before my eyes. 

  My walking came to a small trot home. My toes were numbed, my wings throbbed. 

I'm not sad, angry, or upset. Just disappointed, but happy. 

 I smiled. 

12/5/2011 - My Day - Meiosis vs Mitosis

  Today is the day where I deliver early Christmas gifts (i.e. decorative origami cubes) to my teachers!
Alright! I'm going to do my best!

[ Morning ]
  I tied my hair up in twin tails at the back of my head.

[ At school ]
  I greeted Crystal-chan and Janus-chan. Janus-chan showed me pictures of her father's drawings on her phone. They mostly revolved around Disney characters like the lions from " The Liod King " , Mickey&Minnie Mouse, and ect. It was awesome! :D
 I later greeted Colleen-chan and Han-kun. Han-kun and I later walked to class, talking about my well-being revolving around my abdominal pain.

[ 1rst pd ] There was a substitute.
  Essay (test) . The prompt was to provide information on why / how moments in history influence today's world (giving examples).
  After class, I had the substitute pick out three cubes for Mister Guven, leaving a note stating that I gave him the cubes as presents.

[ 2nd pd ]
  At the doorway (before walking into class), I had Mister Castanos pick out three origami cubes. He commented that they were beautiful :D
  We went over the ' Do Now ' / Warm Up, Mister Castanos talked about his weekend and how he celebrates Christmas. At Costco, Mister Castanos and his grandmother in a wheelchair , he rams his grandmother in line at the checkout counter (lol wut). He celebrates Christmas with used socks as Christmas stockings and he describes people who don't wait 'til Christmas day to open their presents, as crazy disrespectful children LOL.
  We watched a section of a biology film on meiosis (the division of sex cells). There was this one scene where they were showing the difference between meiosis and mitosis.
It looked like this :

To the side of  ' Meiosis ', there was an image of turtles having intercourse. 

 Lastly, we took notes on meiosis and read from the textbook. Mister Castanos criticized the way the couple looked in the book. " They don't know us, so its okay ", he said. 

o__o 

[ Brunch ] 

  Chatted with Judy-chan about how the essay went and about geometry. 

[ 3rd pd ] 

  Worksheet on careers. 

At the end of class, I had Mrs.Haertling pick three origami cubes according to her liking. 

[ 4th pd ] Before class started, I had Mister Herning chose three origami cubes to his liking. 

   Studied flash cards. 

[ Lunch ] 

  Because the students had wasted about 5 minutes of Mister Herning's time, we stayed in during lunch for about three minute ( he was going easy on us ). 

  I later had Judy-chan read through my journal as I sat and thought about things. When she had finished reading, we discussed her holiday plans. 

[ 5th pd ] 

  I had Mrs.Shika and Ms.Sabado choose three origami cubes to their liking. Mrs.Shika told me how my origami had inspired her children to paper-fold too. She told me that they fold paper in all sorts of directions and call it " their origami " (haha! > u <) 

They both found the origami cubes to be beautiful, I'm glad. 

[ 6th pd ] I greeted Crystal-chan on my way to class, I'm glad her day is going well :)

  I gave Mrs.Miramontes the last three origami cubes. She complimented that the cubes were very nice. 

  YOSH! All of the cubes have now been delivered!  

( in total, there were 21 of them ) 

  In the gym, I wrote a little bit into my journal before handing it over to Carolina-chan to read. 

[ After School ] 

  " Time to have a nice afternoon! I got Christmas presents to work on and the comic!

I finally get to work on the comic! " 

  Note : the comic that I've been working on has been constantly postponed due to stuff. 

 " I can tell that you're very eager ", Carolina-chan replied. 

 " Yup! " 

  After I bade farewell 'til tomorrow to Carolina-chan and Crystal-chan, I later encountered Israel-senpai in the hall. He had a slight concerned expression scribbled in his eyes, 

  " Tammy, I can't meet up with you after school since I have -- " 

  " Its okay! ", I grinned back gesticulating him to be off on his way (i.e. I made a fluttering wave with my hand).

  " I'm (really) sorry-- bye. "  

 By then, my back was turned away from him and I was walking away, grinning like a dithering idiot, 

taking no heed to his expression--

until later as I was cleaning Ms.Sabado's classroom. 

I kept pausing and thinking as I stacked the textbooks and workbooks.   

  Why-? How could I smile like its nothing, when I did feel something. 

That is because I was happy, but disappointed that we couldn't meet up.

  

Prologue note :  Last night, I felt the numbness of static rupture within myself. I tried to think of all of the positive, bright things, memories, but I couldn't feel anything. 

I laid in bed (on my lack), meditating three deep hymns and thought deeply to myself about my cherishes. 

 The majority of the numbness was eliminated. 

  I was just happy to hear his voice. 

Negative news, but the numbness I felt somewhere inside melted away. 

  

12/4/2011 - Dream

  I had a dream where I was in the downstairs bathroom. I saw a snapshot of the toilet and I was washing my hands. After that, I went outside to the dining room, my best friend, Kathy, was there. We hung out, and I was using my laptop.
 Later, I saw a snapshot of a bookshelf, then the dream ended.
 
 [ Interpretations ]

Friend :  Signifies aspects of your personality that you've rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend indicates positive news.
  Bathroom : To dream that you're in the bathroom represents instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/ feelings and need to " relieve yourself ". (Alternatively signifies purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself both emotionally and psychologically.)
  Toilet : To see a toilet in your dream symbolizes a release of emotions. You need to get rid of something in your life that is useless. Seeing a toilet in your dream may also be a physical manifestation brought about your bladder. The dream is attempting to get you up and use the bathroom.
  Hands (washing) : A worrisome issue that you need to work through. Alternatively suggests that you are in denial or no longer taking responsibility of some matter. You are letting go and letting things out of your system.
  Books : To see books in your dream represent calmness. You are moving towards your goals at a slow and steady pace. Books also symbolize knowledge, information, intellect, and wisdom.
  Bookshelf : Various levels of where your mind keeps ideas, concepts, and memories are kept. It also suggests that you need to acquire some information or knowledge in a situation before making your decision.
  Laptop : to see or use a laptop in your dream represents your need to reach out and communicate with others in any circumstance.

  [ Thoughts ]
 I am rejecting a small fragment of myself, I don't know what it is, but I'm ready for it. The days are getting brighter, I can feel it, I'm ready for anything that's coming my way. I've been thinking,
I guess its like an urge, because of my hormones, I've been wanting to kiss Israel-senpai.
I'm going to drop the idea, knowing he wouldn't want that and time is kinda being goofy right now.
  " Don't do it ", is what my heart is saying.
I won't do it, even though I may love him and I remember that dream I had in freshmen year,
I'm not going to do it. Heck, he wouldn't even allow me to anyways. I'm not giving up, just dropping the idea.
 I have now relieved myself (not literally). (Yay)
I'm chill, cool with it, I'm still steadfast, headstrong and patient here.

12/3/2011 - Happy Birthday Dena-chan!

Happy Birthday Dena-chan!

:D

12/3/2011 - Dreaming about a Scramble of Things.

I'm going to list the things I remember from today's early-morning dreams (I did not go to bed at night, but today at 1AM).
-- The Scrambles of Dream Fragments --
1.)  I was at school, the sky was like morning light, the bell had rung and students were beginning to walk to class.
I stood in the hall that leads one way to the ROTC, Gym, and C-portables, the other way leads to the 400,300,200 and so-on buildings.
Diagram :

  I spotted Israel heading to the direction of the ROTC building of the hall. He must be heading for third period, therefor brunch must've ended. I pulled a cloak over myself (which made me either feel invisible or I was invisible, like the invisible cloak from Harry Potter). There was a snapshot of my legs, random--but there's a meaning to it.
I padded over to Israel from behind.
He turned around, smiling at my presence.
  The dream ended.

  [ Interpretations ]
 Cloak : To dream that you're wearing a cloak represents the need for security and warmth, you want to be protected. It may also mean that you're trying to cover-up or hide something.
 Legs : Indicates that you've regained confidence to stand up and take control again. Also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life.
 Invisible : feelings of not being noticed or recognized for what is important of you. You feel that you're being overlooked.
(Alternatively : you are trying to withdraw from the realities of life)

 [ Personal thoughts ]
  I always thought that I'd be forgotten, like I really was invisible.
But this dream, it was like it pointed out that I was not always forgotten.
Even though in freshmen year, I sometimes was. Like that time when I made lunch for Senpai and he forgot three times and I waited for him after school 'til 4pm. Its all good now though.
  I don't feel forgotten now, not even the tiniest bit. I'm happy, I really am. 
Maybe just sometimes though, I'd feel forgotten again. 0.5% chance of the time I will. 


2.) I had a dream that I was sliding on my side, down a wooden platform that was tilting.
I saw a random bit of blood splatter a little distance away,diagonal from me as I slid.
I jumped into a bright white light below, the dream ended, but I felt that after the jump, I landed in a safe place.

  [ Interpretation ]
  Parkour : To dream of performing a parkour indicates that you are not letting any obstacles stand in your way to completing your goals. ( Alternatively means that you're in tune with your surroundings and environment. You are able to adapt to any situation. )
  Blood : life,love,passion and as well as disappointments.
  Wood : suggests that you're feeling dead and emotionless inside. Behavior is automated. You are not fully thinking things through.

 [ Personal thoughts ]
  I'm feeling emotionless inside, because I don't know how I should feel. I may be happy, but because everything is so clear, its like blankness.
My love burns strong, like white fire in my life right now, I feel great.
  Its blazing so gaily, that I feel nothing.
Its so strange, so very strange!

3.) I saw a blue bench in my dream.
  Bench : Suggests that I normally take on a passive role instead of taking an initiative.
  Blue : Truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness.
Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away.
 May symbolize your spiritual guide and optimism of the future. You have clarity at mind.

[ Personal Thoughts ]
  Time to get things done, I want to devote myself to work on my strength and bonds (relationships).
I'm determined and happy.

12/2/2011 - How my After School at School was Spent

  In the gym, after I bade farewell to Diane-senpai, I padded over to Crystal-chan and Carolina-chan.
I wanted to see them off before I went to enjoy the rest of my day & weekend, because they're my dear friends. Their main plans for the weekend is homework, but even so, I hope they have a wonderful weekend.


  On my way over to Ms.Sabado's, Israel-senpai informed me that he was unable to meet up with me after school due to some circumstances. I smiled back and said that it was okay.
He advised me not to go home so late. Hmph. ಠ_ಠ


  I cleaned Ms.Sabado's classroom for about 6 minutes,  she said that it was Friday and that I should go enjoy my weekend. I went outside, looking at the deciduous tree, it had now lost 89% of its leaves, leaving a majority of red berries clinging to its branches. I checked my watch, then decided to go visit Mister Seeberger. 
  Mister Seegberger greeted me with a slightly surprised expression, " Oh--Hi! I was just thinking about if you were going to stop by today!" 
 " What a coincidence! ", I replied. 


  That feeling when you think of someone and they magically appear, its almost like they heard your thoughts and came over to you. 
I honestly sometimes do that to call out / contact someone.
I wonder if they can really hear me or if my voice is drowned out by their world, because I'm not a person worth their love. 
  This made me think of the time when I was sitting on that bench after school, during a chilly afternoon, calling out with a voice in my chest to that guy that I'm constantly waiting for. 
When I was on my way to head for home, feeling down that he did not come---
we crossed paths. 
He described it as, " instinct", that lead him to me. 


  Anyways, Mister Seeberger and I shared our experiences from the 5-day weekend (i.e. Thanksgiving Break) . Haha-- he told me a joke he made up contributing to Black Friday. 
  It starts out with Black Friday, then Grey Saturday, lastly White Sunday. 
" Then, Golden Monday! ", I added. :D


  We talked of other things, like plans over Christmas vacation, Star Wars, how very identical his eight-year old son is to him (its in the DNA after all), his two  pet dogs that costed $800 (were bred and were trained for dog shows) that will be given to his ex (sadly), and how his low income has effected the amount of money per month to buy food. 
  I hope all goes well for him in the near future. 


[Home at Last]
  I made it home at 4:20pm.