[ Morning - At Home ]
I awoke from a clear dream that faded away the moment I woke. Augh, I totally am not fond of that happening.
I'm feeling much better, more confident, now that I got some rest.
* I had a minor anxiety attack yesterday*
[At School]
I greeted Janus-chan, Crystal-chan, and Colleen-chan. Israel-senpai was there too, but I didn't really want to greet him. Janus-chan and I talked about our days and how Micheal has been annoying her recently.
Janus-chan later left for class, Han-kun and I met up and walked to class. I told him that I got an anxiety attack yesterday, due to the fact I must've absorbed something after school with Israel-senpai.
[1rst pd]
We read the first few pages and made active reading comments on the book, The Joy Luck Club.
The book so far is okay, just not as hot as Lord of the Flies.
[2nd pd]
DNA quiz. After that, we read through an article about a man who was murdered at his work place.
The murder had a problematic mutation in his DNA that runs through the family tree. The murder had also committed other crimes, such as rape and he also confesses of his crime. We went over the questions and debated whether the murder should be executed, locked up, have a DNA test taken to see if he really has that genetic mutation (costing $1000), ect.
Mister Castanos asked me to read and answer question # 5.
" How do genetics relate to all of this? "
" Its in his DNA, it can't be helped. "
" What should we do with him, Tammy? "
" Well, I wouldn't choose to execute him, even though he killed someone. We're all human after all and there's darkness within us all. "
" Then, what should we do with him? Lock him up? "
" No, we shouldn't lock him up--what's the benefit in that(?) "
" He killed and raped someone. He's a rapist. A RAPIST! "
" Then we should hear what he thinks! What he wants! " , I exclaimed.
People stared, bug-eyed at me, some grinning.
My cheeks were dashed pink and I was grinning at my remarks and at the scene.
" Love it. Thank you for your time and have fun for the rest of your day. "
The bell rang for brunch.
[Brunch]
David-senpai complimented that I did a good job on the debate. I thanked him. He also said that he had also noticed that I've been open lately. That is because I fought the darkness within me.
I'm happy.
I spent the majority of the time writing in my journal.
[3rd pd]
Wrote a summary on the film in class. I finished my summary early, so I drew myself with my elbows on my lap, hands cupping my cheeks, great wings folded to the side of my posture.
Next to this drawing, I wrote in one of my quotes, " I'm not an angel, I'm only human after all. "
Since this was on the same page with my summary in the class-journal, I ended up turning it in.
Back at my seat, I looked over to see read my teacher's expression over my drawing.
She looked calm to see the angelic drawing, yet complected.
[4th pd]
Textbook work.
[ Lunch ]
I held the door for the students in 4th pd to pass by, before letting myself go meet up with the others by the C-building. I hung out with Colleen-chan, Crystal-chan, and Judy-chan.
I spent the majority of the time writing in my journal.
[5th pd]
Warm up, notes, and workbook work.
[6th pd]
Sat in the gym today. As Carolina-chan read through my journal, I doodled in my geometry notebook.
[After school]
I congratulated Carolina on fight off the virus, I'm glad she's feeling better today, much better than yesterday.
n___n
I cleaned up Ms.Sabado's classroom for 10 minutes.
[3:15pm]
Sat on the usual bench. The deciduous tree to my left is slowly/quickly losing its leaves, same goes for the ginko trees on campus.
[3:30pm]
Alvana-chan and Israel-senpai arrived.
+ 1 anxiety attack.
I fell back into that vision again, it was not fun, but I managed.
I stayed silent for the majority of the time.
When they departed (leaving there bags on / by the bench),
Israel-senpai being chased by his rapist-schoolmates, Alvana-chan in observation mode,
I was then left with 3.5 minutes to relieve my anxiety by curling my upper-body over my lap and making a silent scream.
Haa--AHHHHHHHHH!
Was how I screamed inside.
I'm not locked within myself anymore, not trapped in a room, not caged either.
I'm in an open atmosphere. If I scream in it, I scream in it. If I'm in pain, then I'm in pain.
Scars tore up on my arms, like on my cracking fingertips in real life.
Hey..what are you thinking right now? What are you going to do? What are you feeling?
These thoughts floated invisibly around me.
Outside, I gripped my solar plexus as though I was bleeding.
It was convenient to hear Israel speak about how it would feel to be wounded by a bullet at this point in time. I could have laughed like a madman right there and then, but I'm poorly-humored.
'Nothing' ,was what I thought, but I did not feel nothing. I was feeling negativity.
I was feeling negativity from the anxiety attack(?) --no.
What was I going to do--I wondered what I could do.
Its entropy, that's it. Yeah, that's it. This'll go away eventually.
Takumi sighed at my side.
Israel-senpai returned, questioned my condition.
I evaded to tell him, the vision made a minor shock wave flash in my head.
" I'm okay, there's just something on my mind,that's all. "
[4:16pm]
Israel-senpai decides its time for him to probably get going.
It is not that time interval where there isn't enough time to say a proper farewell.
I switched personalities, Takumi took over.
I got up, slung my bag over my shoulder and left with hurried steps.
[4:17-4:18]
The sunset was of a golden glow in the distance, it was warm through the cracks of the chilly atmosphere.
My ribs pressed to my lungs. I made it to the front door and switched back to Takusu.
' You didn't have to do that Takumi, leaving without a farewell..'
I saw it. I saw how Takumi had her back towards Israel when she left. Deja vu?
' I couldn't stand you torturing yourself, you idiot fuckass. Get inside, NOW. ', Takumi replied.
Indoors, I took a shower.
The hot water scorched my body. I switched it over to warm water. Once I was cleansed from soap,
I turned to the ice cold water. I clenched my body and looked up. The cold water padded my hair.
I rotated 360 degrees in the cold water, getting all parts of my body stricken by it all.
I bent over and let out an erotic cry when it lashed at my back like a whip. One more back lash, and I was done.
I made a trod downstairs to place my dirty clothes in the laundry room, then had some dinner.
An hour later, punishment exercises for being a weak fucktard.
Five sets of 10-second back-lifting, then a one-minute back lift
(not putting the lifted upper body or legs down). The exercise is similar to the trunk lift ;
30 push-ups and 30 reverse-push-ups ; 50 by 50 side sit-ups and 50 regular sit-ups ; and 10 slow leg-lifts.
It burned, but felt great.
No comments:
Post a Comment